Friday, December 6, 2013

Amway Vampires

Here's a reprint of an old post. Here's a shout out to the contributor of this post - If you still read this blog can you get in touch with me? Lost your info. Thanks.

Vile creatures of the night the Amway vampires congregate at 8pm to worship their cult leader and hear their tales of greed. After 11pm, after midnight, into the early morning hours the Amway vampires are learning how to suck money out of their victims. They’re learning how to destroy relationships of any cult followers who have family and friends who are not “onboard with Amway”. The cult leaders chant familiar phrases. “People who are not in Amway are stupid. They’re losers. They’re negative unchristian dream stealers. Stay away from anyone not involved in Amway because they do not have your best interests in mind like we do. We love you.” The more tired the cult followers the easier it is to  brainwash them. Another familiar mantra: “Buy more tools. Buy more Amway products. That is the secret to your financial freedom. FREEDOM! Flush that stinking job!”

For people like myself who venture out into a moonless night into the grim dungeon of horrors of an Amway meeting it seems like we are caught in hell. No friends. No money. No hope. No future. Only despicable Amway vampires who want to destroy us. We look out the window into the dark night where a few stars twinkle in the sky, as unreachable and untouchable as the Amway promise of spending ten to fifteen hours a week for the next two to five years and bless the Amway gods with thousands of dollars of our money and we will be rewarded with residual income rolling in forever while we walk the beaches of the world and hang out with Diamonds on Peter Island. Coyotes howl in the distance. Something smells really bad in this room. The unmistakeable stench of Amway vampire B.O. and some son of a bitch Amway vampire is drinking XS piss water.

We want to leave but we can’t just get up and go and abandon the person we arrived with. Trapped! Finally the Amway cult leader shuts up and we can get out of this hell hole. “Why are you leaving so soon?” An Amway vampire taunts us. “Fuck you. Its one in the morning. Not everyone around here keeps witching hours.” The Amway vampire hisses and sneers “Guess you got a J.O.B. to get to in the morning.”

There’s just something about these Amway creatures of the night that makes you want to run and hide. Turn the lights on. Get away from these demons!

Amway vampires and their greedy goals. Amway vampires and the their evil intentions of sucking the money out of us. Sucking the life out of us. Someone ought to put a stake through the hearts of Amway vampires except that they don’t have any.

Oh yeah. One more time I’d like to send a big old fuck you out to my upline.


  1. I think this is a very funny column.. because it is so true!!!

  2. Amway leaders are greedy thieves who will do anything to get your money. The leaders make 80% of their income from Standing Order (books, CDs), open meetings, BBS (seminars) and major functions.
    There are 4 major functions held in a year which cost over $100 per person. These leaders are blood sucking vampires.

    Every week: Open Meetings
    Every Month: BBS seminar
    Every 3 Months: Major Function (Jan, April, July and October)


Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
10. Your comment got caught in the spam filter. Gets checked occasionally. We’ll get to you eventually and approve it as long as it really isn’t spam.