Monday, June 18, 2018

Amway Loser Desperate To Retrieve Puny Check

Check out this video. I’ll help out with the translation and keeping the cast of characters straight.

Comrade 1 – the man with his hand in the fish mouth

Comrade 2 – the man trying to help him get his hand out

Comrade 3 – filming the action and finds a stick to help

Comrade 4 – Comrade 1’s Amway upline


Comrade 1: Help!

Comrade 2: How did you get your hand stuck in that fish’s mouth?

Comrade 1: This fish ate my Amway check  and I’m trying to get it back.

Comrade 2: How much is that check for?

Comrade 1: $9.18

Comrade 2: Holy shit! After all those long hours you spend being a commissioned Amway salesman you only made $9.18. Christ! Just let that fish eat the fucking check. It’s not worth losing your hand over.

Comrade 1: Don’t say negative!

Comrade 2: Here’s a stick. I’ll see if I can pry open the fish’s mouth with it.

Comrade 1: No! Not that stick! I bought it from Amway for $100!

Comrade 2: Are you fucked in the head? You spend $100 for this shitty little stick? I can go to the hardware store and buy a stick just like this out of their junk pile for .50¢.

Comrade 1: Aren’t you willing to pay more money for higher quality?

Comrade 2: No! Why do you want to pay more money for something you can buy at the store that costs way less money.

Comrade 3: Oh for fuck’s sake. Just use this stick I picked up off the ground.

Comrade 2: That free stick is better quality than your $100 stick. I can’t believe you spent that much money buying a stick. How much money did you spend on Amway products this month?

Comrade 1: Around $300.

Comrade 2: Are you a fucking moron? You can get a job selling fish at the market and make more money than that. When I get your hand out of this fish I’m taking it to the market and I’m going to sell it for $20 so I’ll make more money for a few minutes work than you make in Amway after putting in a hundred hours of work.

Comrade 3: Yeah, who’s making more money with less effort.

Comrade 1: Shut up. Here comes my upline. Oh hallowed, beloved leader of mine. This fish ate my Amway check. This fish is a negative unchristian dreamstealer.

Comrade 4: You didn’t ask my permission if you could put your hand in this fish’s mouth and get that check back.

Comrade 2: What?!!! You’ve got to ask your Amway upline’s permission before you do anything! What kind of cult did you get yourself into? OK that should do it. Pull your hand out.

Comrade 1: Not without my Amway check.

Comrade 2: Just let the fish eat it.

Fish: This Amway check tastes like shit!