How To Ruin An Amway Meeting

Ha ha! Someone did a Google search “how to ruin an Amway meeting” and ended up at this blog. And then a few days later I got another searcher wanting to know how to ruin an Amway meeting. OK I’ll bite. Sounds like fun to me! 

When I think back to all the ruined evenings I had because I was spending them at an Amway meeting I think its only fair to return the favor!

The only people I knew of for sure who had a bad attitude about being stuck in an Amway meeting were myself and our sack of shit Platinum. Every meeting I attended the Platinum would whine and bitch about how he was giving up time with his family and doing things he wanted to do to talk to us about Amway. Yeah well I can whine and bitch about the same thing. I’m giving up time with my family to hear him talk about Amway. And I have no interest in listening to him talk about Amway. I’d rather be anywhere else doing stuff I want to do instead of listening to him spout off lies and bullshit. So right away there are two of us in the same room with bad attitudes about being there because we have bigger and better things to do than attend an Amway meeting.

Here’s some ways to ruin an Amway meeting.

1. Before the meeting begins ask if this has anything to do with Amway. Keep asking and hold up the meeting getting underway until you get an answer. If someone is honest enough to admit that it is Amway tell them you’re leaving.
2. Show up late. After 8:30pm or 9pm would be perfect. Make a lot of noise getting to your seat and saying hi to people.
3. When the speaker begins to bitch about giving up time with his family to talk to the audience, stand up and yell the same thing right back at him. “I’m giving up time with my family to hear you talk. And so far I don’t like what I hear! I wish to hell we had both stayed at home!”
4. Leave your cell phone on. At the beginning of every meeting some ambot in a monkey suit introduces the jackass speaking that night and tells the audience to turn off their phones. Prearrange with someone to phone around 8:30. Change your cell phone ring tone to Jimmy Buffet’s Let’s Get Drunk and Screw. And yes I checked. You can download that ring tone! Then go ahead and hold a conversation with whoever phoned and watch the horrified reaction of the brainwashed ambots around you. How dare someone disrespect their beloved Amway cult leader by taking a phone call!
5. Wait 15 minutes or so into the meeting and then get up and say: “I’m bored. I’m outta here.”
6. Stand up and yell “You’re a bunch of fucking liars!”
7. Yell out: “No one wants to listen to this negative shit!”
8. Stand up and say “I’ve got better things to do.” And then walk out.
9. Start telling offensive jokes.
10. Just as the meeting is about to start stand up and say “I’m going on a McDonald’s run. Be back soon!”
11. Start complaining about the uncomfortable chair you’re sitting on.
12. Part of the way through the meeting ask, "When do I get to present my business idea?"
13. Show up in a Hawaiian shirt and a banana hammock and say, "Is this tropical night?"
14. Show up late and act irritated that your son Timmy is supposed to be home at 9 o'clock and can't keep hanging out past his curfew.
15. Show up early and demand a personal one-on-one interview with the "Head Cheese" to see how serious they are about having you join the business.
16. Consistently burp throughout the meeting and then blame it on the XS energy drinks.
17. Show up late with a bunch of balloons and yell, "Surprise Johnny! Happy 7th birthday!"
18. Show up with a bag full of the competitors products and attempt to sell them to people while the meeting is taking place.
19. Pass out advertising cards for a sleazy, low-class "escort service" during the meeting. Loudly tell everyone that the girls in this service are really hot, and will do anything you ask. It's best if the cards have photos of sluttish, half-naked girls on them.
20. Pay someone with a strong body odor $20 to come to an Amway meeting with you. Tell everyone he is a "hot new prospect." Tell him to interrupt every so often with stupid questions while the plan is being shown.
21. Come to the meeting barefoot, and tell everyone that you have to do this because of your contagious skin disease.
22. Hire a hooker to come there with you, and have her proposition each of the guys present in a loud voice.
23. Arrive carrying a small pizza in a box, and eat it as the meeting is in progress.
24. Eat a lot of baked beans an hour before the meeting, and fart loudly throughout the presentation.
25. In the middle of the presentation, stand up and ask "Isn't this the weekly meeting of the bird watchers' club?"

I’m sure there are many other ways to ruin an Amway meeting. Seeing as how Amway meetings have ruined so many lives - I say its OK to get even.