Halloween is coming up so it seems a good time to talk about vampires.
Amway vampires that is.
Vile creatures of the night the Amway vampires congregate at 8pm to worship their cult leader and hear their tales of greed. After 11pm, after midnight, into the early morning hours the Amway vampires are learning how to suck money out of their victims. They’re learning how to destroy relationships of any cult followers who have family and friends who are not “onboard with Amway”. The cult leaders chant familiar phrases. “People who are not in Amway are stupid. They’re losers. They’re negative unchristian dream stealers. Stay away from anyone not involved in Amway because they do not have your best interests in mind like we do. We love you.” The more tired the cult followers the easier it is to brainwash them. Another familiar mantra: “Buy more tools. Buy more Amway products. That is the secret to your financial freedom. FREEDOM! Flush that stinking job!”
For people like myself who venture out into a moonless night into the grim dungeon of horrors of an Amway meeting it seems like we are caught in hell. No friends. No money. No hope. No future. Only despicable Amway vampires who want to destroy us. We look out the window into the dark night where a few stars twinkle in the sky, as unreachable and untouchable as the Amway promise of spending ten to fifteen hours a week for the next two to five years and bless the Amway gods with thousands of dollars of our money and we will be rewarded with residual income rolling in forever while we walk the beaches of the world and hang out with Diamonds on Peter Island. Coyotes howl in the distance. Something smells really bad in this room. The unmistakeable stench of Amway vampire B.O. and some son of a bitch Amway vampire is drinking XS piss water.
We want to leave but we can’t just get up and go and abandon the person we arrived with. Trapped! Finally the Amway cult leader shuts up and we can get out of this hell hole. “Why are you leaving so soon?” An Amway vampire taunts us. “Fuck you. Its one in the morning. Not everyone around here keeps witching hours.” The Amway vampire hisses and sneers “Guess you got a J.O.B. to get to in the morning.”
There’s just something about these Amway creatures of the night that makes you want to run and hide. Turn the lights on. Get away from these demons!
Amway vampires and their greedy goals. Amway vampires and the their evil intentions of sucking the money out of us. Sucking the life out of us. Someone ought to put a stake through the hearts of Amway vampires except that they don’t have any.
Oh yeah. One more time I’d like to send a big old fuck you out to my upline.
FUCK YOU!
According to the original legend, vampires suck the blood of the living because they themselves are dead, and can only take on a temporary life for a few hours by draining living blood from their victims. This has to go on forever, which is why they need an endless supply of living persons to bite.
ReplyDeleteAmway is pretty much the same. Your up-line needs to drain you of money every single month, and charge you for meetings every single week. Four times a year he drains you of cash for stupid "functions." Just like a vampire drains persons of their blood, so does your up-line drain you of cash.
If you quit he gets violently angry, because there is one less victim for him to drain.
Anonymous - up that's how it goes. Vampires drain people's blood. Amway Ambots drain people's money.
DeleteBoth need a never ending supply of people to survive because once a person is drained they move on to the next victim to drain.
And the upline does get violently angry everytime an Ambot quits the Amway cult because that's one less victim to drain money out of.