Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Amway Ambot Chuckle
Someone who left a comment on the blog reminded me of the Amway ambot chuckle.
We’ve all heard it. It’s the chuckle that people in Amway use when they think they’re dealing with a fucking moron. Those ambots need to be looking in the mirror.
The Amway ambot chuckle kind of sounds like they’re hacking up a hairball. It kind of goes like this.
HUA HUA HUA
HUA = Head Up Ass. A chronic Amway ambot syndrome.
HUA HUA HUA
Head up ass head up ass head up ass.
Ambots use it when they’re having a conversation with someone who’s not in Amway and they’re trying to overcome their objections to getting involved in the Amway scam or don’t want to buy overpriced shitty products.
Prospect: Does this have anything to do with Amway?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. No its World Wide Dream Builders. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: I was involved in Amway before and it didn’t work out.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. It didn’t work because you didn’t try hard enough. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: You’ve been in Amway 15 years and still aren’t a Diamond. What’s up with that?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. That’s because I’m not trying hard enough. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: Amway costs $50 a year just to buy their overpriced products?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. You can’t afford $50 a year to be in this exclusive shopping club? HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: I spend $50 a year on my Costco membership and I buy well known products for less money.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Don’t you want to pay more money for quality? HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: No.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Loser! HUA HUA HUA.
Propsect: I heard Amway is a pyramid scheme.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Your job is a pyramid. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: (looking at an Amway catalogue) Holy shit. Look at these prices. I can go to the grocery store and buy a box of laundry soap for a third of that price.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Don’t you want to pay more money for quality. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: I don’t want to pay more money for poor quality Amway products.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Loser! HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: (after trying a sip of XS energy drink and spitting it out) Holy fuck! That tastes like cat piss!
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. This is the best energy drink on the market. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: Fuck! If this is the best I sure as hell don’t want to try the worst! Pass me a coke.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Loser! HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: You told me Amway Artistry is one of the top 5 cosmetic companies in the world. I looked it up on the Internet and it ain’t.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. We’re #2 in the world for prestige cosmetics. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: What the fuck? Who the hell cares if their cosmetics are prestige or not?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. We’re #2. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: Next thing you’ll be telling me is that Amway sells prestige tampons and toilet paper.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. That’s right. All Amway products are prestige. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: How many people do you have in your Amway downline.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Business is going great. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: This says I can make $115 a month working 10 to 15 hours a week in Amway. That’s like $2 to $3 an hour. Rip off!
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. You can’t believe everything you read. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: I hear Amway is a cult.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Your job is a cult. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: Have you been to Barnes & Noble lately?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. That’s the best place to talk to people about Amway. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: I already own my own business.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. It’s a worthless piece of shit business. The only business out there that’s any good is Amway. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: How come when a dog eats Amway dog food it shits 3 times more than it used to?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. That’s because its eating prestige dog food. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: I heard people lose a lot of money in Amway.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. You have to invest money back in your business. You have to spend money to make money. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: How much money do you make in Amway every month?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. None of your business. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: No seriously. You want me to join Amway I need to know if its worth my while. How much do you make in Amway every month?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. That’s private. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: How much money does it cost every month to be in Amway?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Guess you’ll have to sign up and find out for yourself. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: We have to pay for training in Amway? At my job the owner pays for the employees training.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Your job is a pyramid and you’re making your boss rich. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: I’m not interested in signing up with Amway.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. Then by the time you’re 65 you’ll either be dead or broke. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: Go to hell ambot!
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. I’m already there. One of the joys of being in Amway! HUA HUA HUA.
Head up ass Head up ass Head up ass.
8 comments:
Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!
If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
10. Your comment got caught in the spam filter. Gets checked occasionally. We’ll get to you eventually and approve it as long as it really isn’t spam.
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That's damn near verbatim how a conversation with an Ambot goes! You've talked to one you've talked to them all. Straight up lies + misdirection + condescension + negativity + saccharine love-bombing = Ambot canned amspeak! Remember those old dolls with the string attached to the back that you pull to make the toy talk? Same thing, only when you pull an Ambot's string, out spews life-destructive garbage most sane people would flee from. Imagine giving that toy to a child? But we don't have to imagine it. We just need to read the far too many stories from children of Ambots who have witnessed their parent's, and their, lives being torn apart by Amway.
ReplyDeleteLOL Anonymous. I've watched many Ambots in action. In person and on the Internet. We know the canned Amspeak bullshit propaganda script they follow.
DeleteYup Amway is all about destroying lives.
Prospect: If I sign up in Amway, why do I need an obsolete and useless system called CommuniKate?
ReplyDeleteAmbot: HUA HUA HUA. You need a secretary, don't you? You need an answering service, don't you? You need somebody to give you important messages, don't you? HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: But those things are handled by real living persons or simple voicemail. CommuniKate isn't a real person at all -- it's just an obsolete way to get messages.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. You gotta fake it till you make it. People will think that you have a girl named Kate who is your secretary. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: Why must I attend expensive and far-off functions that don't teach me anything, and are just elaborate pep-talks?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. You never know what little piece of important info you might happen to hear at a function. You wouldn't want to miss out on that, would you? HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: Why can't you people just include the important info on the endless tools that you want to sell me?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. There's endless information to be learned in Amway. It'll take years and years for you to master it. That's why you gotta come to all functions, and buy all tools. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: I don't want to be forced to attend a religious service if I go to an Amway function.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. What are you, some kind of unChristian dream-stealer? HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: No, I just prefer to make my own choices in religious matters.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. If you join Amway, you then have a new religion. It's THE GREAT AMWAY GOD! Your job involves worshipping this God day and night. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: So you admit that you are part of a cult, and not an actual business.
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA. We have our ways of doing things, like everybody else. HUA HUA HUA.
Prospect: You mean like fucking people over by putting them into debt and foreclosure, wrecking their marriages and friendships, making them waste years in a worthless fake business, filling their garages and basements with cheap unsellable products, and then saying that their failure to succeed is totally their own fault?
Ambot: HUA HUA HUA! HUA HUA HUA!
LOL Anonymous! Those are great. We're going to have to expand this post the next time it comes around!
Delete"You never know what little piece of important info you might happen to hear at a function."
Very close to what we heard from our Amway cult leaders. They called it that very important nugget of information. And it was like the preview because that very important nugget of information would always be disclosed at the next Amway cult meeting. And it's like for fuck's sake - tell us now while we're all here so we don't have to show up next time. But my thinking of course defeats the Amway cult leader's logic. That's also why it's strongly discouraged to go to the can or out for something to eat at Amway functions because when you leave your seat for sure that'll be the time that one really important nugget of information will make its debut. LOL!
And LOL on the Communikate shit. Those Amway losers always going around blabbing about their personal assistant Kate like its a real person to make themselves look more important. Uh no just makes you look like a bigger Amway loser.
The idea of dangling 'must have information' to help you run your business is complete bullshit (but that is Amway's specialty: bovine excrement). If you want the people you work with to be successful, you arm them with the necessary tools right up front and not an infinite series of 'next time'. I couldn't help but think of my job (oh no! I have a - gasp - J.O.B.?!?!) and the training I've had with it. Twice I've had corporate people do hands on training with us on some more technical equipment that I repair (hospital equipment), and not only did I not have to pay for the training, I was paid to get trained, and travel costs completely covered, hell, they even fed us meals despite giving us extra pay to feed ourselves with! And at no point was I ever told 'next time' I'll get that one little bit of info I need to be successful. Instead, every question is answered and I can call and email any questions I have to the trainers. You know, like in a real business.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - Amway cult leaders dangle that nugget of must have information that will be talked about at the next meetings to get the Ambots to pay for the next meeting.
DeleteBut yes as you pointed out with legitimate employers that want their staff to have more training - the company pays for it!
That's why right from the beginning I said bullshit to us paying for Amway brainwashing functions and Amway cult meetings. Those assholes in the Amway upline all claim that they're "helping" everyone out of the goodness of their hearts bunch of bullshit. If they didn't get paid, if they weren't getting their portion of greed pie from the ticket sale profits they wouldn't show up.
Remember the old Buck Rogers serial broadcasts?
DeleteThey'd end with the narrator saying ""Will Buck Rogers escape terrible Demons of Doom who threaten him and his space ship? Will he manage to get to safety and rescue the galaxy from alien invaders? Will he save planet Earth from destruction? Tune in next week and find out the exciting developments... "
That's how these Amway assholes are at their functions. You never get the full truth... you have to "tune in next week." And that means shelling out cash for some other goddamned "function."
Yup Anonymous. The Amway cult leaders drop a cliffhanger at Amway meetings and say the answer will be divulged at the next Amway meeting that you waste your money and time showing up to. And it never is. By the next freak show the Amway cult leaders have moved on to a new tangent to keep the Ambots entertained.
Delete