Thanks to our guest poster with a Halloween appropriate
tale!
I got it! I got
it! The AmwayTville Horror is named after the Amityville Horror! LOL!!! I know
the story so for anyone not familiar with the Amityville Horror, about 40 years
ago a family of 6 was mass murdered in their home by another family member. A
year after the murders a family purchased the home and experienced strange
phenomena and they abandoned the house a month later. Was the story a hoax? A
scam to make money?
Hoax? Scam? That
has Amway written all over it!
In a town called AmwayTville evil creatures of the night
congregate at 8pm at the fugly house to worship their cult leaders and hear
their tales of greed. Amway Demons have lured unsuspecting victims into their
lair with lies, promising sweet treats, good eats, and an open bar. After 11pm,
after midnight, into the early morning hours the Amway Demons are learning how
to suck money out of their victims. They’re learning how to destroy
relationships of any cult followers who have family and friends who are not
onboard with Amway. The cult leaders brainwash their followers: “People who are
not in Amway are stupid. They’re broke losers. They’re negative. They’re dream stealers.
Stay away from anyone not involved in Amway because they do not have your best
interests in mind like we do. We love you.” The more tired the cult followers
get, the easier it is to brainwash them. The Amway ghouls lead their followers into
chants: “Buy more tools. Buy more Amway products. That is the secret to your
financial freedom. FREEDOM! Flush that stinking job!”
For victims who ventured out into the moonless night into
the grim dungeon of horrors of an Amway meeting in AmwayTville we’re caught in
hell. No friends. No money. No hope. No future. Only despicable Amway Demons
who want to destroy us. We’re in the fugly Amway house looking out the window
into the dark night where a few stars twinkle in the sky. As unreachable and
untouchable as the Amway promise of spending 10 to 15 hours a week for the next
2 to 5 years and handing over thousands of dollars of our money, and then we
will (NOT!) be rewarded with residual income rolling in forever while we walk
the beaches of the world and hang out with Diamonds on Peter Island.
Coyotes howl in the distance prowling the outskirts of
AmwayTville. Even they’re scared shitless to get close to Amway Demons. Something
smells really bad in the Amway prayer room. The unmistakeable stench of Amway Demon
body odor. Guess the Amway deodorant is the shits. Amway Demons paid too much
money for a product that can’t get the job done.
We want to leave but we can’t just get up and go and
abandon the person we arrived with. Trapped! Finally the Amway cult leader
shuts up and we can get out of this hell hole.
“Why are you leaving so soon?” An Amway Demon taunts us.
“Fuck you. It’s one in the morning. Not everyone keeps devil
hours.”
The Amway Demon hisses and sneers: “Guess you got a J.O.B.
to get to in the morning.”
There’s something about these Amway creatures of the night that makes you want
to run and scream and hide. Turn the lights on! Get out of AmwayTville ! Get
away from Amway Demons!
Amway Demons and their greedy goals. Amway Devils and their evil intentions of
sucking money out of us. Sucking the life out of us. Someone needs to put a
stake through the hearts of Amway Demons except that they don’t have hearts.
We try to escape and an Amway cult leader blocks the door
and waves a registration form and screams at us to sign up to Amway.
“Where else can you get started in our own business for
less than $100?” they taunt us.
NO! The Devil is after me! NO! It’s an Amway IBO from AmwayTville. Devil.
Amway. Same thing. The Amway Devil from AmwayTville. Escape. Death would be
better than to be stuck in AmwayTville.
And like in the movie, the ghosts have the best advice to an Ambot:
ReplyDelete"GET OUT!!!"
LOL! Very true. Love it. GET OUT! Best advice every to an Ambot! Thanks!
DeleteFor me Amway distributors are like the creepy old dude in a bad suit in poltergeist 2. Here's a scene from the 4 min mark where hes trying to enter the house. But the main character tells him to get the hell out lol.
ReplyDeletePoltergeist 2 Henry Kane "WATCH EVERY HENRY KANE…: http://youtu.be/KlDH8jaQZN0
Anonymous - yup you can tell a group of Amway Ambots when you walk into McDonalds and they're hogging a table not buying anything and wearing bad suits.
Delete