Wednesday, July 15, 2015

The Amway Way To Waste Money Doing Laundry

Amway motto: sell the hope not the soap. But for you poor bastards that bought the laundry soap here's the Amway guide to doing laundry.

1. Always buy Amway laundry soap. Legacy of Clean SA8 3x concentrate costs around $30.00. The usage rate is 100 uses per bottle and Amway’s recommended use is 7 uses per week. That means you’re doing laundry every day so don’t bitch about it! You run that fucking washing machine every day even if there’s only a couple of socks in it. The Great Amway God says the quicker you run out of Amway laundry soap the sooner you can buy another expensive bottle.

Remember to bully everyone you know into buying Amway’s laundry soap. You need to learn to overcome their objections like there are lots of laundry detergent choices at Walmart’s. Why would anyone want to buy All Small & Mighty 3x concentrate that does 100 loads and costs around $10.00 when they can spend more money for the same size of Amway’s Legacy of Clean. You need to bullshit your buyers into believing the reason they are spending 3 times more money for laundry soap is because Amway’s laundry soap is 3 times more concentrated and the high price reflects its high quality.

2. Wash in hot water. You’ll need to if you want any hope in hell of actually getting your clothes clean using Amway laundry soap. As for the environmental impact and the higher costs of running a laundry load at hot all the time - and remember Amway recommends all good little ambots do 7 loads of laundry a week so that’s at least daily - just remember the Amway IBO slogan - “who cares”.

3. Always use your dryer to dry your clothes. Who cares if other people are being environmentally friendly and saving money by line drying their clothes. The other benefit of using your dryer instead of hanging your clothes on the clothesline is that you can buy Amway Fabric Softener Sheets for the dryer 2 x 200 count boxes for around $17.00. You want a good laugh on those ignoramuses using the clothesline? Amway also sells the sheets in a scent called “Outdoor Fresh” so there is no need to hang your clothes on a line and save energy and money! You know what ambots call people who are environmentally friendly and hang their clothes on a clothesline instead of using a dryer and Amway dryer sheets? Losers!

If any of your friends point out that Snuggle sells 200 count fabric sheets for $6.00 remember your old stand by response that the reason Amway products are so high priced is to reflect the high quality. Remember to look for someone who is dumb ass enough to stock up on 400 high quality sheets fabric sheets and tell them to toss several into the dryer at a time because if they did one sheet per load it would take them years to buy another box from you again and you probably will have quit Amway by then.

4. Use extra Amway laundry soap. Keep in mind that Amway’s laundry soap does not do that good a job of getting your clothes clean so its a good idea to overfill above the line on the cap when filling the detergent. The added benefit is you will also go through your laundry soap a whole lot faster and be able to buy more Amway laundry soap very soon and get that old PV BV up there!

5. If your washing machine dies you must buy a brand new washer AND dryer even if there is nothing wrong with the old dryer. Don’t even dare think about going to Charlie’s Discount Appliances Emporium! You must ask your Platinum’s permission before you buy a new washer and dryer and get the sack of shit’s advice on where to buy. The bastard will know somebody in another leg or crossline who can sell you a new washer and dryer. Don’t expect to get a good deal on your new machines. After all the IBO selling them must make a good commission so he can buy more Amway tools and grease the Platinum’s palm for the referral on the sale.

6. Do not waste money buying an energy efficient washer and dryer. Remember the Amway IBO attitude when it comes to conserving energy and being environmentally friendly and saving money - who cares!

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