Monday, December 19, 2016

Another Amway Ambot Letter To Santa

Thanks to one of our readers who nailed this one! LOL!

Dear Santa Claus --

I'd like the following ten things, please:

1) A 4000 PV for the next three months.
2) To be "edified" by my up-line in glowing language.
3) Receive free tickets to Dream Night, Family Reunion, and Free Enterprise Day.
4) Latch onto six new hot prospects to become IBOs, and complete my 6-4-2 plan.
5) Be able to afford the expense of the next tidal wave of books, CDs, and tapes from my up-line.
6) To get a replacement for my broken-down, rattletrap Amway Shitmobile.
7) To have enough cash to cover my three late mortgage payments to the bank.
8) To be able to empty out my garage of boxes of unsold SA8 and LOC.
9) To finally convince my family and friends to talk to me again.
10) To actually show a financial profit from my Amway business after these last fifteen years of fruitless work.

If you give me these ten things, Santa, I'll actually believe that you exist. Just like I believe that Amway is a real business, and not an absurd rip-off.


Andrew Airhead Asshole,
Amway Distributor and IBO

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Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
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