Really FED (UP!)

On Sunday of Free Enterprise Days we’d slept in because we weren’t attending the church service. Just a little too much cult brainwashing for me to handle. Instead we went for a drive and arrived at the venue’s parking lot around 11:30am, found an excellent parking spot near the exit to beat the rush out of there at the end of the day, and sat in the car for a bit because the service was still on and IBO’s weren’t being let in yet for the afternoon FED session.

Ambot’s cell phone chirps indicating he’s received a text message from some asshole upline. Ignore it, I tell him. He checks his phone anyway and turns out the text is from his arrogant prick sponsor, aka Captain Fuck Up.

He tells Ambot that the pompous sack of shit Platinum has called a very important meeting that all downline must attend at his hotel lobby near the stairs. We have to be there at 11:45am and the time right now is about 11:42am.

The hotel is several minutes drive away, ironically we’d just driven past it within the past 20 minutes. Ambot’s all in a panic. WE MUST GET THERE!

He refused to listen to my voice of reason that it didn’t sound logical. First off the hotel check out time had already passed - why would they hang around the hotel. Second the sack of shit was very religious and unlikely to miss the morning church service. Third the sack of shit had made it a big point out of saying due to being Platinum he had the honor of helping out backstage during the church service. Fourth, if he was already here at the arena for the church service, why would the sack of shit drive all the way back to his hotel that he’d already check out of instead of holding his “very important meeting” (better known as a bullshit brainwashing session) at the arena.

But Ambot refused to listen to me that they were probably already in or around the auditorium. I wanted to stay where we were. Instead Ambot breaks the speed limit getting to the hotel, runs faster than I’ve ever seen him move, easily outdistancing me. I catch up to him in the hotel lobby. He is frantically running around looking for other IBO’s. He opens up the staircase doors thinking they might be holding their meeting in the fire exit. He’s badgering hotel employees if they’ve seen his beloved upline.

He is really agitated that he can’t find anyone and eventually we return to the venue. The good parking spot I’d scored earlier is now taken. We walk across the parking lot and on the lawn in front of the auditorium we see our group gathered around the hallowed cult leader and Ambot sprints to join them.

It turns out the arrogant prick sent Ambot a fake text message having him run all over town on a wild goose chase just so he could have a good giggle. Fuck you jerk!

Yup. These are people I really want to do business with.