Sunday, February 20, 2011

How to Listen to Amway Tapes

OK. Who would do a search titled “how to listen to Amway tapes”?

Umm. You put the tape into a cassette player, push the play button, and listen to it?

Years ago I worked for a company that was located in a 5 story building. A couple of other companies had offices in the our building. I was down on the main floor bringing some work to the receptionist and probably chatting for a few minutes. A couple walked across the lobby and got into the elevator. The man - in his 20’s - held the door open, poked his head out, and called over:

“Which button do I press for the third floor?”

“Three?” The receptionist suggests in the tone she uses when dealing with idiots.

The elevator door closes and we break down laughing.

OK well maybe you had to be there....

Perhaps this poor lost IBO has already asked his upline that question and didn’t get a satisfactory answer so he now takes to the Internet in his quest to find that information and ends up at my post about Amway CD’s and tapes.

“How to listen to Amway tapes?”

Hmm, maybe you should be drunk first? Turn the volume way down so you don't piss off anyone else within earshot. Do whatever it takes not to get brainwashed by that shit. A better plan would be to burn them.

I wonder if IBOFB is reading this post. He’ll be shitting his pants demanding who has got their hands on Amway tapes because he claims they went out with the last century.

12 comments:

  1. How to listen to Amway tapes:

    1) purchase an Amway tape for $6 from your upline OR used for $0.01 on ebay.

    2) place tape in an Amway brand paper bag. if the bag is defective, throw it out until you find a functional bag.

    3) soak bag with Amway brand lighter fluid. also soak bag with leading brand fluid in case Amway brand lighter fluid won't burn. hide leading brand under your bed in case upline comes to audit your pantry.

    4) strike Amway brand match. if first match won't ignite, throw it out and keep striking matches until one ignites. light fluid-soaked bag.

    5) listen to the Amway tape go SNAP, CRACKLE, POP!


    This has been "how to listen to Amway tapes"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha ha John! That works too. If that searcher comes back I hope he finds these instructions very helpful!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think that maybe, just maybe, the search simply wants to find out what is the content of Amway tapes (oops, CD) without actually having to subject yourself to such cruel and unusual punishment.

    In that case, you can simply go to http://bwwsot.blogspot.com/ where former IBO gave detailed information/analysis on BWW (an Amway Motivational Org) tapes (oops, CD).

    ReplyDelete
  4. Seriously, Dave Severn explained to us nimrods how to 'listen' to an amway tape, er, CASSETTE TAPE.

    Step 1. buy CASSETTE TAPE, er, buy several CASSETTE TAPES.

    Step 2. set CASSETTE TAPE recorder on table (be careful here, you're handling holy stuff)

    Step 3. carefully and prayfully unwrap said CASSETTE TAPE(s)

    Step 4. with holy reverence, place CASSETTE TAPE into tape recorder

    Step 5. at this point, you need to stop for a moment of silence

    Step 6. press play

    Step 7. listen and dab at eyes (these are your leaders speaking)

    Step 8. take copious notes

    Step 9. when CASSETTE TAPE is finished, bow before your tape recorder

    Step 10. carefully remove CASSETTE TAPE from recorder and place in your CASSETTE TAPE shrine.

    ReplyDelete
  5. When done listening to cassette tape (oops CD!) reverently put it into the Shrine of listened to tapes (oops CDs) which is your shredder that can shred CDs. Reverence is the key...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous and David - very true. Those CDs and tapes were to be treated like they were holy water and to be placed in a shrine afterwards.

    A better plan is to break them into little pieces and flush them down the toilet! That's my Amway shrine!

    ReplyDelete
  7. David, I hear those used CD's can command upward of 2 cents each on ebay in lots of 100. With a year's worth of SOT + 1, you could have yourself 2 dollars in honest to God profit! Oh wait...I got gross and net confused again. Turns out that is actually a 598 dollar loss :( Where ever did I learn my accounting from???

    ReplyDelete
  8. John: It looks to me like you learned your accounting from your upline while you were in the biz. You may want to concentrate on that aspect in your deprogramming. LOL! I'm afraid my listened to tapes (oops! CDs) would raise havoc with my septic system.

    ReplyDelete
  9. There's even a website that specialize in buying these tapes AND CDs, and then turn around and sell it for a profit!
    http://home.earthlink.net/~tool_depot/id16.html

    See, you CAN make money in Amway, just don't become an IBO ... :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Somebody showed up on my blog today after doing a Google search for free Amway CD's. Maybe there's not as much profit in them after all if you can get them for free!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Funny stuff!

    I was abandoned by my loyal upline of "spiritual and life mentors" even after breaking two legs and many other fast tracks even while remaining the widest on the entire team. I guess keeping your word doesn't apply anymore even in the "greatest" business on earth!

    One time I burned all my BWW (Butt World Wide or Beelzebub World Wide) tapes, CD's, promos, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc............ and they put off blue flames and cracked and popped with spirits screaming as they dissipated into the atmosphere!

    Now, after at least $10,000's of dollars (probably $250,000 no lie or more after gas, plane tickets, function tickets, hotels, incentive trips, "free trips", tool orders, team cookouts and incentives, product orders for PV when I didn't always need it, furniture for team events, the right clothes, etc.) "invested" into "my" biz even under 10 years of building it, I have two downline Platinums that fizzled out because my awesome upline left me when he said he wouldn't when the going gets tough, and the IRS is still asking for money.

    Great Business - J/K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by sdcoffee! Glad you find it funny. A lot of former IBO's find my blog funny. When they laugh at my upline they're laughing at their own too!

      Yup, abandoned by your BFF's! That's the Amway way! Fickle friends in this cult!

      Great imagery burning your tapes and CDs!

      Oh my gosh I think you're the unfortunate winner of the highest amount of losses ever recorded in the comments section of my blog. Some of my readers lost small amounts $1000 give or take but most have been in the thousands usually $25 - $50k in losses depending on how long they stayed in Scamway. Its stories like yours that still don't get through to new Amway recruits or those who've been in long enough to file tax returns and write off everything to do with their phony Amway business only to end up in deep shit with the IRS. The smart ass ambots say it will never happen to them because they are winners. And they'll say that you didn't try hard enough.

      So if any brainwashed ambots show up here with one of their superior canned Amspeak responses - here's an advance fuck off!

      Delete

Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
10. Your comment got caught in the spam filter. Gets checked occasionally. We’ll get to you eventually and approve it as long as it really isn’t spam.