Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Ambot Dick Goes to Amway Spring Leadership

(Thanks Dick for your story!)
I remember one year we were driving down to a major function.

It was myself, my wife, another couple in our downline, and a single
guy in our downline (all friends of ours before the amway scam and
still friends till this very day). We had recently replaced my wife's
car with a brand new van. One of those Ford Wind-star or
Something-Star. Can't remember the exact model name, but it was super
luxo, comfy, cushiony, roomy... Just perfect for a road trip. So I
suggested we all go down together. We were friends as I mentioned so
it wouldn't be like driving for hours with a bunch of people that made
us uncomfortable. Basically, we could all be ourselves and enjoy the
ride, stop and eat, take in some sights etc. The wives insisted we
have some fun cause they never were into the whole amway scam-- they
were just being good wives and playing along.

So. It's a HOT summer day--Hotter than most. We live in Canada and are
driving to the US. So like any NORMAL human being would do on a day
like that-- we were all wearing shorts, tank-tops, sandals... You
know-- beach attire. The a/c was blasting, the van was cold, and we
were all super comfy.

We pull up to the Canada/US border and what do we see??? Ambots
everywhere!!!! Hahahahaha.

Now one of the reasons I love to read your blog so much is because I
can just visualize some of the stuff you describe and I'm really into
the details. I remember reading your post about the clunker brigade
lol. I don't think the border guards had ever seen a bigger
collection of oil leaking, black smoke spewing, clikering clackering,
rusted 17 year old Corollas and Civics at one time... EVER.

So we look over to one particular sub-sub-compact shitbox that looks
like this -------- and we see 5, count em-- FIVE ambots, all suited up
with their fine Italian suits from Walmart (lololol). Wearing their
full gear, ties bound all the way to the top, strangling them. Now
keep in mind it's 32 degrees Celsius (89 degrees Fahrenheit) and
probably closer to 120f with the humidity factored in. And judging
from the amount of sweat, (I'd say perspiration but believe me-- this
was SWEAT), on their faces and on their suits, the a/c in their fine
automobile was NOT working.
Because of all these serious business people all crossing the border
at the same approx time-- we were at a near stand still. We didn't
mind much cause it would give us a chance to stretch our legs as we
slowly crept up to the border guard booth.

So.... Out of our icy cold van comes the unmarried guy in my downline
(we'll call him Bill). Bill, like most of my downline and myself-- was
into the biz as a biz (till we figured out it was impossible to make
money) but couldn't really deal with the stuffiness of the ambots. And
this particular guy was a little ruff around the edges but a good
person none the less. So picture this....

Bill just woke up, he gets out, scratches his head, yawns in a real
annoying way-- kinda loudly and rudely, looks over at that car which
was parallel to us, realizes they're a bunch of ambots, looks at
them... looks again, looks closer, and yells -- "what-da fuck is wrong
wit ya ga-eeezzz?!?!?!?!.... It's fucking boilin!!!!" Imagine the
sheer horror in the ambots' eyes. They looked over completely shocked,
saw Bill in his shorts scratching himself, and quickly looked forward,
in fear.

My married guy friend and I, under the full protection of the new
van's dark, factory-tinted windows, were both laughing so hard that I
had to hold my private parts for fear of peeing on myself. I didn't
recognize any of the ambots in that particular car but still-- I was
sure that eventually, we'd show up at some local event driving that
particular van and we'd run into them, and someone would recognize
that it had been us that day... but I just didn't care-- I couldn't
stop laughing.

It was 150 degrees for sure with the five of them in that car, and you
know how polyester goes with humidity... Hahahaha. They were baking in
there for sure, but they probably attributed it to the fact that they
were so-- fired up, fired up!!!! Yuk!!
I asked the girls how the hell someone could dress that way on a day
like that and cram into a car and drive for hours.
My wife's opinion....
These stupid bastards are driving down there in those clothes cause
they haven't brought any other clothes with them. They have no
intention of paying for a hotel. Whenever there is down time (1:00am
to 8:00am) they're gonna hang around a 24 hour Starbucks just waiting
for the the function to begin. Hey-- why pay for lodging when you
could stand around all night as to not wrinkle your suit!!
She was probably right.


  1. So I start to read this latest entry on your blog...I'm thinking-- Damn! I can really relate to this guy's story. Then I think-- "wait a minute, wait a minute.... That's ME!!!"

    Obviously my name isn't DICK so it didn't register right away. It was a riot to relive that once again.

    In case you're wondering where I've been--I've been quite busy reading your blog from the start. It's a riot and I'm now in March of 2012. I'm reading at both ends-- the old stuff and the new posts... Only one year to go :-)

    I read it when I crash out at night. Keeps me laughing. I'm following all the characters: some are even growing on me... it's like a Seinfeld episode. The Colins (Kramer), the David Brears (more on him at a later date), the other Dave (cool guy), the Exambot (love that guy), Connie and Casette Tapes......... Love em all!! Then there's that Tex character (quite creepy, and I think he has the hots for you.) He's disappeared at this point though. So "see ya" to Tex. He was a one track minded whiner anyways.

    And then...Then... THENNNNN... There's Anna Banana!!! What a girl!!

    1. Thanks Dick! I appreciate when readers share their stories. Saves me rerunning my stories at all the major functions.

      That's quite an ambition reading all the posts. As I'm sure you already figured a lot of them are reprints. I ran out of stories a few months after starting this blog and I've had others help with their stories. I'm sure you've probably figured out that the comments are more entertaining than the posts anyway.

      Readers come and go. The blogs that I hung at 2,3 years ago and left comments all the time I don't so much today and hang out at different ones now. Same thing as some of the people you mentioned. They move on and find other blogs to read. Maybe with more fresh content.

      If you have any stories on the other Amway functions leave them in the comments and I'll copy them into a post when we get closer to that time.

  2. Oh, Anna;

    We haven't gone anywhere. We're back here every day for our comic relief.

    It's especially interesting to read about the major functions and the fun they entail. This post was a hoot. We attened ALL functions for 6+ years. And as you know, ALL means ALL. Got to the point I started to long for my own funeral b/c the only legit way to get out of a function was to attend your own.

    It's a sad thing when your own funeral starts to look better than the next major, right? I figured at least I'd get to lie down for a while.

    Cassette Tape

    1. Thanks Cassette Tape. That sounds like a good topic for a post!


Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
10. Your comment got caught in the spam filter. Gets checked occasionally. We’ll get to you eventually and approve it as long as it really isn’t spam.