Friday, July 5, 2013
Sign Sign Everywhere A Sign
I was out for a walk a few weeks ago, came round the corner and I see a whole bunch of cars parked outside a house that weren’t there a couple of hours earlier. Because its Tuesday night and after 8pm I can only think the worst. Oh fuck someone’s having an Amway meeting. Then I can see from where I am that these cars look in pretty good shape. If it was really an Amway meeting then there would be shitmobiles old junkers ready to fall apart lining the curb. As I get close to the house I see a shop painted sign in front saying it was some kind of Welcome Wagon event going on. Whew! Unlike some companies they ain’t embarrassed to say who they are.
I often see hand printed signs in front of people’s houses when they’ve got something going on like a birthday party or wedding shower. Then I get to thinking why Amway doesn’t put signs out front of the house they’re holding meetings at. What would the sign say besides the obvious TOP SECRET AMWAY CULT MEETING GOING ON INSIDE.
How about sticking these signs out in front of the house so everyone in the neighborhood knows whats going on with the clunkers clogging the street:
Biggest liars in the world meeting here tonight
Voting place for Amway asshole of the week.
Meeting of the World Wide Destructive Bastards (yeah that one will bring in SWAT!)
Society of the biggest troublemaking bastards around
Amway Assholes Anonymous
Meeting of the piss water guzzlers
Come in and learn how Amway teaches you to bring misery to other people’s lives
Amway shithead meeting tonight
Amway cult leader is holding bullshitting session here tonight
Come in and learn how to be an Amway loser
Amway society of future millionaires in 2 to 5 years from now
We love scamming people group
Meeting to learn how to alienate your family and friends
How to go into debt meeting
Meeting of the dumb fucks society
Ambot brainwashing session tonight
Meeting to learn how to walk the beaches of the world
Meeting to teach you to become a millionaire working 10 to 15 hours a week
Come in and meet the biggest fucking bullshitters and liars around
Amway liar’s club
And there you have it. Call it like it is. Put a sign up front so everyone on the block and everyone going into the meeting know exactly what’s going on.