Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Ambot Desperate To Retrieve Check

Check out this video. I’ll help out with the translation and keeping the cast of characters straight.

Comrade 1 – the man with his hand in the fish mouth

Comrade 2 – the man trying to help him get his hand out

Comrade 3 – filming the action and finds a stick to help

Comrade 4 – Comrade 1’s Amway upline

Comrade 1: Help!

Comrade 2: How did you get your hand stuck in that fish’s mouth?

Comrade 1: This fish ate my Amway check  and I’m trying to get it back.

Comrade 2: How much is that check for?

Comrade 1: $9.18

Comrade 2: Holy shit! After all those long hours you spend being a commissioned Amway salesman you only made $9.18. Christ! Just let that fish eat the fucking check. It’s not worth losing your hand over.

Comrade 1: Don’t say negative!

Comrade 2: Here’s a stick. I’ll see if I can pry open the fish’s mouth with it.

Comrade 1: No! Not that stick! I bought it from Amway for $100!

Comrade 2: Are you fucked in the head? You spend $100 for this shitty little stick? I can go to the hardware store and buy a stick just like this out of their junk pile for .50¢.

Comrade 1: Aren’t you willing to pay more money for higher quality?

Comrade 2: No! Why do you want to pay more money for something you can buy at the store that costs way less money.

Comrade 3: Oh for fuck’s sake. Just use this stick I picked up off the ground.

Comrade 2: That free stick is better quality than your $100 stick. I can’t believe you spent that much money buying a stick. How much money did you spend on Amway products this month?

Comrade 1: Around $300.

Comrade 2: Are you a fucking moron? You can get a job selling fish at the market and make more money than that. When I get your hand out of this fish I’m taking it to the market and I’m going to sell it for $20 so I’ll make more money for a few minutes work than you make in Amway after putting in a hundred hours of work.

Comrade 3: Yeah, who’s making more money with less effort.

Comrade 1: Shut up. Here comes my upline. Oh hallowed, beloved leader of mine. This fish ate my Amway check. This fish is a negative unchristian dreamstealer.

Comrade 4: You didn’t ask my permission if you could put your hand in this fish’s mouth and get that check back.

Comrade 2: What?!!! You’ve got to ask your Amway upline’s permission before you do anything! What kind of cult did you get yourself into? OK that should do it. Pull your hand out.

Comrade 1: Not without my Amway check.

Comrade 2: Just let the fish eat it.

Fish: This Amway check tastes like shit!




  1. So true! So true! As always thank you Anna for yet another belly laugh!! My co-workers think I'm strange for it but not nearly as much as when I was promoting Amscam! Thanks again... you ROCK!!

  2. Anna, that was an awesome script right there! I nearly shit blood in my pants because that's exactly how Amway works.

    You work for nothing, only to be told you can't do anything on your own unless told to! You are also led to believe that everything provided to you, for self-consumption or for profit holds a higher quality just because, and if you think're negative!

    What a desolate world Amway is, where nothing else can compare because Amway will always be better.


    (P.S. Thanks for your blog Anna, it takes away the ache of losing those whom once were our dearest friends)

    1. Hey there Anna,

      Summer congress is upon us up here in Quebec and my girlfriend's going to be attenting. Thankfully, she did not even ask me to go this time. I think last month's fight was worth it after all ;). Anyway, here's to a weekend of fun and games with friends for me and a weekend of sitting in a stuffy room listening to boring amspeak for her... cheers!!! lol


    2. BobSandy - I'm glad you're enjoying the blog and the satirical script of life in Amway.

    3. Osuwariboy - well there's still time for her to beg and plead with you to go with her.....

      And yup you'll have a much better weekend. You know you should plan something really fun during the times she goes to Scamway meetings. Like booking a room at a resort and golf. Or book a deep sea fishing charter. Or whatever it is that you'd think would be a blast and that she would be sorry she missed out on because she went to an Amway cult meeting instead.

  3. No matter how many times I've read this, I laugh every time.

  4. Thanks Anna I am currently being targeted by amway. I'm going to expose them on video lol

    1. Karl - 2 secrets to getting rid of an Amway Ambot. They're prudes. If you curse them out they'll likely go away.

      If that fails, tell them you're planning to produce and star in a gay porno movie and you're looking for investors and hound the ambot for money! LOL!

      Get that on video! LOL!

  5. Anna - You forgot one crucial end part:

    After careful contemplation and promises that the riches were just around the corner, Comrade 1 lets the fish go and proceeds on bying ten more Amway sticks from his upline.

    The fish was found belly up several hours later. It had died from a severe digestive tract failure.

    1. Anonymous - that is a pretty good ending! LOL! We'll be rerunning this post in a couple of months, I'll try to remember to fit it in.


Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
10. Your comment got caught in the spam filter. Gets checked occasionally. We’ll get to you eventually and approve it as long as it really isn’t spam.