Thursday, October 29, 2015

The AmwayTville Horror

Thanks to our guest poster with a Halloween appropriate tale!

I got it! I got it! The AmwayTville Horror is named after the Amityville Horror! LOL!!! I know the story so for anyone not familiar with the Amityville Horror, about 40 years ago a family of 6 was mass murdered in their home by another family member. A year after the murders a family purchased the home and experienced strange phenomena and they abandoned the house a month later. Was the story a hoax? A scam to make money?

Hoax? Scam? That has Amway written all over it!

In a town called AmwayTville evil creatures of the night congregate at 8pm at the fugly house to worship their cult leaders and hear their tales of greed. Amway Demons have lured unsuspecting victims into their lair with lies, promising sweet treats, good eats, and an open bar. After 11pm, after midnight, into the early morning hours the Amway Demons are learning how to suck money out of their victims. They’re learning how to destroy relationships of any cult followers who have family and friends who are not onboard with Amway. The cult leaders brainwash their followers: “People who are not in Amway are stupid. They’re broke losers. They’re negative. They’re dream stealers. Stay away from anyone not involved in Amway because they do not have your best interests in mind like we do. We love you.” The more tired the cult followers get, the easier it is to brainwash them. The Amway ghouls lead their followers into chants: “Buy more tools. Buy more Amway products. That is the secret to your financial freedom. FREEDOM! Flush that stinking job!”

For victims who ventured out into the moonless night into the grim dungeon of horrors of an Amway meeting in AmwayTville we’re caught in hell. No friends. No money. No hope. No future. Only despicable Amway Demons who want to destroy us. We’re in the fugly Amway house looking out the window into the dark night where a few stars twinkle in the sky. As unreachable and untouchable as the Amway promise of spending 10 to 15 hours a week for the next 2 to 5 years and handing over thousands of dollars of our money, and then we will (NOT!) be rewarded with residual income rolling in forever while we walk the beaches of the world and hang out with Diamonds on Peter Island.

Coyotes howl in the distance prowling the outskirts of AmwayTville. Even they’re scared shitless to get close to Amway Demons. Something smells really bad in the Amway prayer room. The unmistakeable stench of Amway Demon body odor. Guess the Amway deodorant is the shits. Amway Demons paid too much money for a product that can’t get the job done.

We want to leave but we can’t just get up and go and abandon the person we arrived with. Trapped! Finally the Amway cult leader shuts up and we can get out of this hell hole.

“Why are you leaving so soon?” An Amway Demon taunts us.

“Fuck you. It’s one in the morning. Not everyone keeps devil hours.”

The Amway Demon hisses and sneers: “Guess you got a J.O.B. to get to in the morning.”

There’s something about these Amway creatures of the night that makes you want to run and scream and hide. Turn the lights on! Get out of AmwayTville ! Get away from Amway Demons!

Amway Demons and their greedy goals. Amway Devils and their evil intentions of sucking money out of us. Sucking the life out of us. Someone needs to put a stake through the hearts of Amway Demons except that they don’t have hearts.

We try to escape and an Amway cult leader blocks the door and waves a registration form and screams at us to sign up to Amway.

“Where else can you get started in our own business for less than $100?” they taunt us.

NO! The Devil is after me! NO! It’s an Amway IBO from AmwayTville. Devil. Amway. Same thing. The Amway Devil from AmwayTville. Escape. Death would be better than to be stuck in AmwayTville.


  1. It is better to be sneered by your upline than losing your soul into this scam.

    1. Anonymous - knowing how vicious those assholes in the Amway upline can be thats pretty much choosing between the lesser of 2 evils.

    2. If Amway is a quasi-religious cult (as has been abundantly shown by many commentators), it stands to reason that -- like all cults -- it will have demonic aspects.

      Just look at the glittering eyes of fanatical Ambots when they talk about riches, luxuries, and walking on beaches. Could there be anything more devilish?

      These Amway witches and wizards, despite all their Evangelical bullshit, worship the devil Mammon. And you know what the Bible says about THAT.

    3. Anonymous - great Halloween image! "the glittering eyes of fanatical Ambots" Love it. And yeah that's all they do when not attending Amway cult meetings. They still get together with other Amway cult followers and talk about how they're all going to be rich one day.

      One day won't happen as long as you're throwing your money away at The Great Amway God.

  2. I thought the "leadership" of WWDB was perfect - Jim Puryear divorced in May 2015 and already remarried October 2015 - maybe no one will notice. Lol

    1. Anonymous - the WWDB cult leaders have their own version of what is perfect. You know to go along with all their twisted religious preachings they spout off at Amway meetings. I can tell you I didn't notice. To quote Amway cult leaders: who cares!


Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
10. Your comment got caught in the spam filter. Gets checked occasionally. We’ll get to you eventually and approve it as long as it really isn’t spam.