Wednesday, December 9, 2015

An Amway Ambots Christmas Letter To Santa

The Amway way to financial success is to self consume and buy from your own store!

Ambots are ALWAYS on the naughty list!


  1. Beat writer William Burroughs wrote his story "A Junkie's Christmas" in 1953 and this reminds me of a similarly depressing "Amway Christmas". Ambot buys from his own store and celebrates with yucky Amway energy bars and XS energy drink. XS tastes like cat piss so Ambot tries to brush teeth but Glister tooth paste makes him vomit into the sink. Then he feels diarrhea coming on from nasty Amway snack bars so does his messy smelly business into toilet and tries to clean himself after but cheap (not price wise cheap) single ply Amway toilet paper breaks making Ambot go back to wash hands in sink full of XS vomit. Amway soap doesn't work for shit (literally) so Ambot pours Amway perfume on hands hoping it smells slightly better than the you know what on them. Then Ambot says "Fuck it I'm going to go out and find somebody to show the plan to" but nobody wants to shake his smelly hand or hear his bullshit so in desperation he calls asshole upline sponsor who tells him it's all his fault, he didn't try hard enough but that being kind hearted as he is the upline prick tells Ambot that all is forgiven, just go out and try harder tomorrow. Hope that wasn't too gross. Happy Screw Amway Holidays for all!

    1. Ray - that was very good. The lifestyle of an Amway Ambot or an Amway Ambot's Christmas Tale.

  2. Another Amway letter to Santa:

    Dear Santa Claus --

    I'd like the following ten things, please:

    1) A 4000 PV for the next three months.
    2) To be "edified" by my up-line in glowing language.
    3) Receive free tickets to Dream Night, Family Reunion, and Free Enterprise Day.
    4) Latch onto six new hot prospects to become IBOs, and complete my 6-4-2 plan.
    5) Be able to afford the expense of the next tidal wave of books, CDs, and tapes from my up-line.
    6) To get a replacement for my broken-down, rattletrap Amway Shitmobile.
    7) To have enough cash to cover my three late mortgage payments to the bank.
    8) To be able to empty out my garage of boxes of unsold SA8 and LOC.
    9) To finally convince my family and friends to talk to me again.
    10) To actually show a financial profit from my Amway business after these last fifteen years of fruitless work.

    If you give me these ten things, Santa, I'll actually believe that you exist. Just like I believe that Amway is a real business, and not an absurd rip-off.


    Andrew Airhead Asshole,
    Amway Distributor and IBO

    1. LOL Andrew Airhead Asshole! And you nailed it! Those are things that Amway Ambots want for Christmas except you were kind of conversative. Amway Ambots are in the Cult of Greed and they'd want much higher amounts of the things you mentioned. LOL!

  3. Haha funny post! So true too. They read out the CORE steps on the recruitment night that my ex invited me to, and this was in there. They treat CORE like Christians treat the ten commandments, and they all repeat it like you would say the Pledge of Allegiance in elementary school. Fucking scary.

    Stupid to do that in real business. Of course, Ambots say some stupid logic like, "If you were a business owner, wouldn't you buy from your own store?". No. It's one thing if I'm a restauraunt owner and I use my own culinary skills at home to cook my own damn food. It's a whole 'nother thing if I walk into my own restauraunt, order a dish, cook it, and then pay myself (not really). Using your skills to your benefits is one thing, but buying from your own business is kind of stupid. And if you're having to buy from your own business to keep profits up, it probably means you're doing something wrong. If you were doing things right, enough customers would come to you, and you wouldn't have to buy from your own business to keep it from going out of business. Stupid Ambots, get some real business sense.


    1. Yes, you're right. Ambots are trained to speak not logically but in mantras that are repeated over and over. Typical one are:

      Fake it till you make it!
      Dress for success!
      If the dream is big enough, the facts don't matter!
      Winners never quit, and quitters never win!
      Tools are optional, but so is success!
      Never question up-line!

      On and on they go, like paper slips in Chinese fortune cookies. The idea that it will profit you to "Buy from your own store" is incredibly stupid, as you show. But the mantra "sounds good," and therefore Ambots repeat it endlessly as if it were a fact.

    2. Twiggy - I think the above responses were much better than the actual post itself! LOL! But that's how it goes around here. Sometimes the comments just take off and are much better than the topic posted. Oh I just had an LOL moment over being in elementary school and reciting the pledge. The Ambot's would go something like I pledge allegiance to the Great Amway God and the Amway republic for which it stands. XS to all and to all a good night.

      OK that last part came from a Christmas story. LOL! Kind of sticking with the theme.

      When we'd get chewed out by the assholes in our Amway upline for not buying from our own store I'd point out that we're a bunch of fucking morons for selling products that are too high priced and our competition sells similar products that are better quality and lower priced. That's one things those Amway assholes hate - honesty.

      No business can sustain itself if the one and only customer is the owner.

    3. Anonymous - you nailed all those Amway sayings! LOL!

    4. The 7th mantra you lack: Be positive and avoid anything negative (but you know what "negative" is)

    5. Anonymous - we all know negative is Amway! Those Ambots preach about don't say negative but they're the shits at taking their own advice judging by all the negative comments left on this blog by Amway assholes. And I'm thinking head office must have sent another memo out to the cult leaders about getting the Ambots to stop leaving negative comments on websites because I haven't had a drive by negative Amway asshole in awhile. Too bad cause I'm like 8 comments away from my next installment post of 100 ways Amway Ambots say negative.

  4. Had a friend call me yesterday and mentioned he was approached at the gym by a guy saying he had access to hundreds of successful companies but that wasn't the real opportunity...mentorship was the real opportunity....I replied " let me guess his next words where...I can't promise you anything but my mentors are looking for a few bright people like you to join there team" he was astounded "that's exactly what he said! How did you know?" Another example of literally "Ambots" These people have no real business sense or originality they just repeat the exact same thing and hope that someone is intrigued enough to see "the plan" I mean really if you have to go about these methods to get someone to even show any interested why would you do it?

    1. LOL Anonymous! In our Scamway group it was "I can't promise you anything but would you like to meet for coffee with an entrepreneur who has some great ideas."

      Amway lines are pretty much all the same. "It's a mentor and leadership training program" is another scam line the Ambots use. I hope you told your friend to stay the hell away from Amway! LOL!

    2. The sentence "It's a mentor and leadership training program" is pure Amwayese. Translated into plain English it means the following:

      "Don't expect to earn any money in this racket; we'll just show you how to strut around with a big, self-confident smile on your face."

    3. Anonymous - that last sentence pretty much sums up the mentorship and leadership training program you'll receive in Amway! LOL!


Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
10. Your comment got caught in the spam filter. Gets checked occasionally. We’ll get to you eventually and approve it as long as it really isn’t spam.