Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Stay Out Of The Amway Hellhole
By now everyone’s heard about the teenage boy who lived in a 24 hour Walmart in Texas for a few days before he was found out. I think the kids parents had gone on vacation because for whatever reason he was staying at his aunt’s house and ran away. I suppose Walmart is a good place to choose if you need somewhere to hang for a few days. You can borrow a sleeping bag or bedding when you want to sleep and there’s plenty of food! And lots to choose from when you need a change of clothes. He had to keep changing his clothes so he wouldn’t be recognized when he emerged from where he was hiding in the cubby holes between shelves. The real gross thing was the kid was wearing diapers instead of using Walmart’s restroom. Its not like there’s a Walmart security guard standing at the entrance of the restrooms 24 hours making sure they don’t get repeat users. If he’d used the washrooms he could have also used the garbage cans in there to get rid of his garbage. He got caught when staff followed a trail of trash and found him in one of his hidden campsites.
So everyone can see how its sort of easy to hang out in Walmart undetected for a few days. Just about everything you need to survive is in there.
Then I got to thinking what if this same kid hid out in the Amway warehouse. I have no idea if the Amway warehouse operates 24 hours but it might do 2 shifts, day and night if not operating all the times so lets just say this is one of those times when the warehouse is closed for a few hours in the middle of the night. Seeing as how Amway is all about playing pretend because its a pretend business, let’s make this a pretend camper who made the mistake of hiding first in the Amway warehouse.
I have no idea how Amway’s warehouse is laid out but I’m guessing there are aisles with boxes stacked up that someone could hide behind. So lets say the kid finds a hiding spot to camp out in. Now he’s got to scrounge up some food. Lets think like a 14 year old boy wanting to stock up on groceries. Potato chips. Candy. Soda pop. Cookies. Pop tarts. So the kid goes out in the Amway warehouse looking for food and drink. What does he find? XS Energy Drinks. At that age he probably likes them so he takes a few for later only to be grossed out when he finds out they taste like a combo of cat piss and really nasty cough syrup. He tosses them out, beginning a trash trail. He found a box of something that looks like granola bars and tries one. OMG – tastes like shit covered cardboard! He tosses that out in the trash pile. Then nature calls so he looks around for Amway diapers. Can’t find any. So he just takes a shit in the aisle. He wants to change his clothes but he can’t find any of those either. He hears Amway employees so he hides behind a box. The Amway employees see the trash and shit on the floor but they don’t give a shit and ignore it and keep on walking. The kid looks around for anything he can use for bedding but all he can find is prestige toilet paper and prestige tampons and that’s not quite what he had in mind. He goes back to his camp spot and thinks about what a really shitty place he chose to hide out in. He hears Amway employees walking past and hears them talking about the garbage on the floor. One of the Amway employees even kicks the food bars and says that’s what I think of that shit. The Amway employees keep on going not giving a fuck why this trash is out in this weird spot.
Lights get turned out and the warehouse goes quiet. The kid is starving and he has to take a piss so he just lets it go against the Amway boxes he’s hiding behind. He decides to leave and find a better company to hide in because Amway is nothing but shit. The doors are all locked. They can’t be opened from the inside. He finally figures out how to unlock one of the garage doors on the loading bay and pushes it up enough so he can escape the Amway hell hole. The alarm goes off.
Meanwhile back at the police station they look at where this alarm is coming from. “Oh it’s the Amway warehouse.” One of them says. Another cop says just ignore it, no one gives a fuck about Amway.
So yup the kid made a better decision hiding out in Walmart. He was able to save money and live better with Walmart than he was with Amway.
And the lesson here is to stay out of the Amway Hellhole!