Amway Ambot and the Shitmobile!

So it seems this Amway ambot sees a hot prospect in the form of a cute young lady. So he pretends to be interested in her like he wants to be her new boyfriend. He brags to her about how he's a business owner and tells her how much money he makes.

"Lets see your bank account statement." She asks him.

"Oh, no. That's private". He answers.

She has her doubts. Is this really a nice guy or is he a scam artist.

So he asks her out on a date. He says he's taking her to a BBQ and she should dress nice.

She's a little suspicious. Dress nice for a BBQ? Whats wrong with wearing shorts or jeans like normal people wear to BBQ's. Its not like its a formal event. But he tells her there are some people at this BBQ he wants to impress so she wears a nice dress.

He picks her up in this hunk of junk car.

"What's with the car? I thought you were a big time business owner making lots of money. Why are you driving a piece of shit like this."

"I'm investing my money back into my business. I'm buying my next car with cash so I have to save up."

Then she asks him why he's wearing a business suit and tie. I mean who dresses this guy. Too formal for a BBQ. He tells her this is how he always dresses because he dresses for success cause thats what his mentors told him to do and he explains that he is in a mentoring and leadership training type of business.

Even though she wonders what the fuck thats supposed to mean she gets in the car anyway. Then he confesses to her that they are really going to an Amway meeting and he's only pretending its a BBQ.

Now she's really pissed off. She's heard of that company. Words come to mind like pyramid scheme, scam, cult, overpriced products.

Could this day get any worse? But she kind of likes him so even though she's pissed she doesn't bitch too much about the Amway meeting. Fortunately for her she never gets there.

Watch this video to find out why.

Ha ha! Gotta have a good laugh going into the weekend!

Don’t Smash My Alarm Clock!

One of the bullshit things we used to hear at every Amway meeting were stories about how ambots were becoming financially free and about the last morning they had to wake up and go to work for the man.

They all have the same story. They are always men - but then what else do you expect from the Amway good old boys club but a bunch of male chauvinist pigs. They’re all sitting at their desk getting their work done. Then their wife walks in and says its time. Apparently this was not something preplanned. The wife decided on it on the spur of the moment an hour or two earlier. Then they both go in to see the boss and tell him to stick his job where the sun don’t shine. Then they walk out of the hated company and away from the hated J.O.B. hand in hand gloating at the coworkers watching them. Standing outside are all the members of their Scamway team. What? None of those fuckers didn’t have jobs they had to be at? There is always a limousine waiting outside. The husband and wife get into it and it always takes them straight home. Oh come on use some imagination here. There is probably at least a 2 hour minimum on renting a limo. You could just ask the chauffeur to drive around and have sex back there. But no. They all want to go home. And what is the first thing they do when they get home? They smash the alarm clock! They will never have to wake up to an alarm clock ever again. Especially not now that its been smashed to smithereens. They can wake up when they’re done sleeping!

And everyone in the upline has the same bullshit story. It never changes. Sudden epiphany at work to quit and walk out. Cult followers outside cheering the ambot on for quitting. Limo. Smash alarm clock.

First a couple of irregularities I see in this often told story.

Conceivably the husband drove a car to work. He leaves in a limo. What’s he going to do about his car? I realize its probably one of those clunker ambot shitmobiles that’s always breaking down but presumably the boss ain’t going to be too happy about the car being abandoned there. Boss calls tow truck. Ambot gets ticket to pay for towing and storage fees. Refuses to pay. Car goes to auction. Tow company leaves bad rating on ambot’s credit report.

And who has an alarm clock anymore? Didn’t they go out in the 70’s when clock radios became all the fashion?

The sack of shit Platinum taunted us about this tale and didn’t we want it too?

Lets see. I haven’t worked for anyone in years. So what am I supposed to do? Go into the bathroom and stare myself down in the mirror and say I quit. Fuck you. I should line up all my Barbie doll collection as my pretend coworkers so they can all catch this magical moment. I stomp out of my house and there’s the limo. Who called and paid for this sucker? Hmm. Scenic drive for a couple of hours and then bring me back home? The street is lined with clunkers belonging to ambots who must have all called in sick today so they can come over to my house and watch this magical moment as I tell myself I quit and I’m never going to work for myself again. I really hesitate to take a sledge hammer to my clock radio. It works just fine. It will be a mess to clean up. And what happens when I want to listen to music in the evening and can’t find my iPod.

And the next morning I can wake up when I’m done sleeping! Well shit. What fun is that? I already do that. Been doing it for years. I’m usually done sleeping around 8am. Kind of an internal alarm clock. Yeppers. I do not set the alarm on my clock radio unless there is something specific I have to be up early for which usually involves getting myself or someone else to the airport. And I’m very talented, probably much more so than those ambots with the smashed up old fashioned alarm clocks. Yesterday I was done sleeping twice. Yes! Twice! Lets see an ambot try that one! The first time I was done sleeping around 5am. I woke up thinking about something I had to do, went into the office, powered on the computer, left a note for myself so I wouldn’t forget then I went back to bed. The next time I was done sleeping was at 9:45am.

I want to make sure everyone knows you don’t have to be a scamming Amway IBO to tell your boss you quit. Anyone at any time can tell the boss fuck you I’m outta here. You also don’t need to be quitting your job to hire a limousine. People hire them all the time for all kinds of different occasions. They have different prices depends on if you take a regular sized limousines or if you like one of those stretch SUV kinds and where you’re going or how long you need to use it. The limousine businesses will take money from anyone, they’re not exclusive to ambots!

Anyway I guess it makes a nice fairy tale for the Amway cult followers. Those bastards need to update their story to keep up with the times though. We are coming up on a generation who will have no idea what is an alarm clock.

Huh? What is a typewriter?

Recycling IBOmobiles

Colin brought up an interesting point when it comes to cars the IBO’s drive. Do they recycle them within the line of sponsorship and sell them to someone else downline or crossline?

I would say that’s highly likely. The IBO’s we knew drove old clunkers that were forever breaking down. In many cases it would have been cheaper to buy another old clunker for a few hundred bucks that get the current IBOmobile repaired. When an IBO was upgrading to another car the word was likely spread via text, Communikate, or Facebook that a vintage 1970’s BMW was available for sale and any IBO’s in the market would have the opportunity to purchase it. With crossline and downline the message could get out to hundreds of IBO’s.

Now I'm all for recycling but when it comes to cars and safety and when is it time to put a clunker out of its misery, sometimes its easier to call the junk man to take the car to the scrap metal plant. He'll probably give the IBO $50 to remove it. But if the IBO can sell it for $100 to an unsuspecting IBO that would be the more profitable route. Make money! Isn't that why everyone is in Amway?

Someone Ambot knows - an acquaintance of one of his relatives - received a car from one of their parents. My memory is a little sketchy if it was his parents or hers. Either way the parents bought a new car and gave them their old car which was a newer model car. That left the couple with a car about 10 years old still in good shape but no longer needed. They decided to sell it for $500 to get a quick sale.

Ambot makes the mistake of alerting the sack of shit Platinum about this car. It might not be a rust bucket 1981 Cadillac preferred choice of IBO’s but its a good buy for a car that's not falling apart and is in running condition. The sack of shit knows a woman who needs a car and they set up a time for her to come out and see the car. Or maybe she decided to buy it sight unseen and a time was set up to exchange the cash and take the car.

At this point you’d think the transaction should now switch to between the buyer and seller and Ambot and the sack of shit Platinum can step out of the picture.

But no, that would be too easy. The woman selling the car phones Ambot to bitch at him that the buyer didn’t show up. So Ambot phones the Platinum and back and forth it goes with the two of them playing the middlemen. And for them it sucks to be the middleman because there is no commission despite all the grief they’re going through. A new time was set up. And the buyer didn’t show up again. And the seller phones to bitch at Ambot again. This scenario played out several times always in my presence. I told Ambot I’d had enough of hearing about that fucking car and didn’t want to hear nothing more about it no more. If the woman who wanted to buy it wasn’t showing up then the seller should advertise it on Craigslist. First person to show up with the cash gets the car.

No. That would be too easy. And the bitch kept phoning Ambot to complain about the buyer not showing up. I mean how many no shows does it take for the seller to get a clue? Apparently she enjoys tormenting me and phoning Ambot to bitch bitch bitch. I told him to pass me the phone and I’d let her have it about her fucking car but he didn’t want me to curse her out. I figure if I curse her out that will be the last we hear from her and good riddance. These people are weird. They live in a nice subdivision built in the 70’s where the houses and yards are neat and tidy except theirs. Their house was painted an oddball color of orange. The front of the house that is. Maybe they ran out of glow in the dark orange paint? The sides and back of the house were three different colors - white on one side, brown at the back, and I think the other side was a shade of tan. She was a hoarder. Ever watch that TV show about hoarders? She might not have been as bad as what I’ve seen on that show but was well on her way. I had the misfortune of going inside the house. Rooms packed high with junk so you couldn’t walk into them or close the door so visitors couldn’t see into them. The kitchen counters had no space left to put anything on them. The sink was 3 feet high with dirty dishes. Junk spilling out of the house into the backyard and they had really weird tacky yard decorations. Not everyone can pull off the used toilet in the front yard as a flower planter look but it was right at home here with the other junk. A whole army of broken roaming gnomes guarded it. There always has to be one house in a neighborhood that’s an eyesore!

Anyway back to the damn car fiasco that goes on for about a month. Finally the Platinum finds a different buyer and the car sale went through.

What really pissed me off the most was that we were no longer doing anything with Amway so why the hell was Ambot playing used car salesman without a commission?

Must have been the same reason he played at being an Amway businessman with no commission.

What Kind of Car Does an Amway Diamond Get?

A recent searcher ended up at my blog after searching on Google for what kind of car does an Amway Diamond get.

Don’t forget to read my post about the clunker brigade.

Many IBO’s in our LOS were driving rust bucket Cadillacs, Lincolns and BMW’s from the 70’s and 80’s for the bragging rights that they own that model of car. Yeah I really want to drive an ugly old car that’s always breaking down.

As far as I know an Amway Diamond doesn’t “get” a car for reaching that level. Its not like Mary Kay where you get a leased pink Cadillac for a year for reaching some level.

I’ve been to enough functions where a video is played showing Diamonds with their fleet of cars and other toys on wheels. You name the high end car, we’ve probably seen it on a video. The thing we don’t know the answer to is how many are leased, how many were purchased with cash, and how many were financed. Or more likely - how many were borrowed or rented for the purpose of shooting the video of the Diamond lifestyle.

There’s a certain image that has to be projected in Amway. The image of success. Fake it till you make it. Our Platinum and Emerald didn’t drive anything that screamed success though they drove newer model cars, probably manufactured within the last 10 years. Might have been financed maybe leased but I don’t know for sure. I know when the Platinum sack of shit got his $20,000 bonus check for being a Platinum he was all talk about buying an SUV, sorry the name escapes me. Does Cadillac manufacture SUV’s? Maybe that. Furthermore he was going to buy it by using the service of a car hunter (?) - I’m not sure what the term is for a person who you give your criteria to and they search for the best deals. Anyway that was all the bastard ever yapped about but he didn’t buy a new - or new to him - car. Probably had to use the money to pay off debt.

So - what kind of car does an Amway Diamond get? Whatever car gives them the most flash for the buck. And that buck came from scamming thousands of IBO’s only too willing to shell out their hard earned cash to make their upline richer.

The Clunker Brigade!

Part of the bullshit taught at our Amway meetings was “fake it till you make it”. And always lie. All good little IBO’s must lie about how good business is going even when they’re losing hundreds of dollars each month. If they tell the truth they’d never recruit anyone.

IBO’s were also taught to look the part of successful business men and women. This meant putting on business suits, owning a cell phone with texting capabilities, attending all meetings, and driving high end cars to give off the appearance of a successful business person.

I’ve never been much of a car person. I like safe, reliable cars that don’t break down. Good gas mileage is something else I look for when buying a car. High end or low end, makes no difference to me. I’m no snob. 

In our group IBO’s were told to drive upper end cars like Cadillacs, Jaguars, and BMW’s. And most IBO’s did buy them - vintage 1970’s and 1980’s rust buckets. Cars that broke down all the time but what else do you expect from cars that have over 300,000 miles on them and probably only got regular engine maintenance for the first few years when they were owned by people who could afford them brand new and kept them in good shape.

I never saw so many junker cars than what our upline were driving. When there was a board plan at someone’s house the street would be littered with these old heaps so we knew we were getting close to our destination.

But that was what IBO’s were brainwashed into buying by our Platinum. He even insulted some people’s cars and called them “pimpmobiles” though they looked OK to me, just weren’t the "successful image" the bastard wanted the IBO to portray. The sack of shit Platinum wanted me to sell my newer model Toyata Matrix and buy an old BMW so we could say we owned one. I had zero interest in buying an older car that would probably cost me a lot in maintenance. I'd bought my car 3 months before Ambot signed up again with Amway and it took me awhile to find it and I was happy with it so I was NOT going to spend more time looking for another car so soon. At least I own a reliable car manufactured in this century. That’s more than the rest of you assholes can say! The sack of shit was especially annoyed one day when he looked in my car and saw we were carrying business supplies in there - our business that is, nothing to do with Amway. He told Ambot that my car was supposed to only be used for transporting people and Amway tools and products. I told Ambot to give him a message from me: “Tough shit.”

Somehow I doubt that message got passed along!

Amway meetings must have brought down the neighborhood’s house values with all the clunkers parked down the street thanks to the army of Amway warriors driving to business meetings in their IBO specials like Lincoln Town Cars with leaky sunroofs and bumpers held on with twine. IBO’s would carefully get out of their cars hoping the door with the rusty hinges wouldn’t fall into the street.

Driving a Beamer or Caddy that’s seen better days, dressed in a business suit, and clutching a cell phone doesn’t make a person a sharp, successful businessman no matter what fake image they are using to impress others. No matter what the sack of shit Platinum tells you it makes you look even worse driving an ugly gas guzzler that has a good chance of not starting when you turn the key in the ignition.

Yup living their fairy tale lives in the Amway land of make belief. A clunker of a high end car, the latest cell phone with huge monthly fees, and a business suit. Bunch of immature fools marching off to the latest Amway business meeting, ready to listen to more fairy tales and play “fake it till you make it” in a phoney business venture.