Friday, December 16, 2011

15 Worst Amway Items to Find Under the Christmas Tree

I read an article obviously written by someone with a sense of humor who has a list of the 15 worst items for the holiday wish list from Amazon.

Oddly enough all of those Amazon items I can absolutely see Amway wanting to get on board and offer the same things to the ambots. Oh sure. IBOFB is going to show up here and claim that Amway already offers cremation services and bags of bones!

So seeing as how every Amway meeting I attended the cult leader would be comparing Amway and Amazon (Amazon rules!) I have taken the opportunity by choosing the 15 worst Amway items to find under the Christmas tree.

What?! Only 15?! I have to stop at 15???!!!!  Shit! How do I narrow it down? Amway has so many shitty overpriced products I’d hate to find any of them under the Christmas tree. So here is my 15 in no particular order and like I say I hate to stop at only 15.

  1. XS (Piss Water) Energy Drinks
  2. Perfect Water
  3. Any kind of Nutrilite vitamin
  4. SA8 Laundry Soap
  5. Amway Dish Drops dishwasher detergent
  6. Amway Trim Advantage
  7. Glister toothpaste
  8. Satinique shampoo
  9. Amway Debut tampons
  10. Any kind of Nutrilite food bars
  11. Artistry lipstick
  12. Nutripet dog food
  13. Artistry eye shadow
  14. Artistry time defiance cream
  15. Any Amway CD
The really scary thing is that when we were in the Amway cult can see my Ambot going out and buying those shitty Amway products to give to me or others as Christmas presents.

Talk about a really fucking nasty surprise when you get up on Christmas morning and see what's under the tree!


  1. I thought youd say a ticket to a amway function would be top 5 on your list :)

  2. Well Colin I had to stop at 15 to compare myself to the Amazon list! But that would be a nightmare to find that ticket stuffed in the old Christmas stocking!

  3. Anna - Despite the fact that I had already told him that I was not interested in 'Amway,' and that I would never be interested in 'Amway,' to my complete amazement, my grinning Ambot brother, and his supine Ambot girlfriend, once gave me a large 'Amway' cardboard box stuffed full of 'Amway' wampum, for Xmas. Four of the cripplingly-expensive, banal household/toiletry-items on your list, were in this poisoned-package of embarrassment. As the Ambot girlfriend fluttered her 'Artistry' eyelashes and nodded in wooden agreement, my Ambot brother attempted to explain how this was no ordinary gift, because the '100% use' of these 'exclusive, good-value and evironmentally-friendly Amway products' was going 'change' my 'life-style.'

    At the time, I had stopped trying to argue with my Ambot brother about 'Amway,' because it was like talking to a broken tape-recording. I merely thanked him and put the wampum in my car, realizing that 'Amway' was a form of pyramid scheme, but not yet understanding that it was a pernicious totalitarian cult which would soon infiltrate, bleed and destroy my family.

    Later in the day, as a joke, I offered to give the 'Amway' box to some friends. When they refused it and asked how I'd acquired all this crap, I began to describe my brother's embarrassing transformation. One of these friends was a forthright young woman with left-wing views who worked with teenage delinquents. Along with her even more-forthright mother, she had encountered my 'Ambot' brother on a couple of occasions and, immediately, found him to be extremely creepy. When my friend's mother had said something complimentary about me, my Ambot brother had completely ignored her and changed the subject. During the remaining conversation, he had stared directly at my friend with an evil all-knowing-grin on his face.

    My friend said, you know David, if your brother had been in Germany in the 1930s, he would have almost-certainly joined the Nazi-party. Unfortunately, I was not ready to accept the accuracy of this insightful analysis.

    Much later, after I had become obliged to study how the cultic 'Amway' racket functions, I discovered that what my brother had actually done, was give me the effectively-unsaleable wampum that he had received in return for one of his monthly tythe-contributions. He had then booked-down this unlawful payment to a dissimulated money circulation scheme, as a lawful retail sales transaction. Thus, my identity was once stolen by my own brother (a de fact agent of racketeers) to hide a criminal act.

    At the height of his criminal activities, my Ambot brother had a room piled high with 'Amway' wampum, books and recordings, in his home.

    With the exception of the banal 'Amway' shampoo and toothpaste (which were put into a guest- bathroom) my free-gift-box of wampum was left to rot in my cellar. A couple of years later, I noticed that no one had actually used the 'Amway' shampoo or toothpaste, because there was always a choice.

    David Brear (copyright 2011)

  4. David - your brother does sound creepy. And he's not the first IBO around who could be compared to as being perfect at home in the Nazi party. That pretty much describes most of my upline!

    Amway shit for Christmas = NASTY Christmas surprises, the equivalent of getting a piece of coal in the stocking!

    Of course these days Ambots are encouraged to buy Ribbons gift certificates to give out at Chrismtas time and the recipient can go to the web page and choose whatever present they want which they could have got the equivalent of at Costco for half the price.

    Great imagery again in your post! Everyone should enjoy your latest thoughts!

  5. I'd rather find a lump of coal in my stocking than a ticket to an b-o-o--r-r-ing Amway function.

  6. I work at Scamway and can get their laundry products free as I have to wear a uniform and I still don't use them ha ha! I buy Tide.

  7. Ha ha! Thanks for the laugh Scamway employee! If you want your clothes clean don't use SA8! Tide does a better job at a fraction of the price. I wrote a blog a few months ago about the IBO guide to wasting money doing laundry that you might enjoy.

    I hope things get better for you in the New Year and you can find a better employer!


Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
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