Showing posts with label Amway Trim Advantage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Amway Trim Advantage. Show all posts

Friday, December 16, 2011

15 Worst Amway Items to Find Under the Christmas Tree

I read an article obviously written by someone with a sense of humor who has a list of the 15 worst items for the holiday wish list from Amazon. http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2011/technology/1112/gallery.weird-amazon/index.html

Oddly enough all of those Amazon items I can absolutely see Amway wanting to get on board and offer the same things to the ambots. Oh sure. IBOFB is going to show up here and claim that Amway already offers cremation services and bags of bones!

So seeing as how every Amway meeting I attended the cult leader would be comparing Amway and Amazon (Amazon rules!) I have taken the opportunity by choosing the 15 worst Amway items to find under the Christmas tree.

What?! Only 15?! I have to stop at 15???!!!!  Shit! How do I narrow it down? Amway has so many shitty overpriced products I’d hate to find any of them under the Christmas tree. So here is my 15 in no particular order and like I say I hate to stop at only 15.

  1. XS (Piss Water) Energy Drinks
  2. Perfect Water
  3. Any kind of Nutrilite vitamin
  4. SA8 Laundry Soap
  5. Amway Dish Drops dishwasher detergent
  6. Amway Trim Advantage
  7. Glister toothpaste
  8. Satinique shampoo
  9. Amway Debut tampons
  10. Any kind of Nutrilite food bars
  11. Artistry lipstick
  12. Nutripet dog food
  13. Artistry eye shadow
  14. Artistry time defiance cream
  15. Any Amway CD
The really scary thing is that when we were in the Amway cult can see my Ambot going out and buying those shitty Amway products to give to me or others as Christmas presents.

Talk about a really fucking nasty surprise when you get up on Christmas morning and see what's under the tree!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

101 More Ways to Piss off an IBO

Had so much fun with the original post that I had to carry it through with a little help from some of the people who left comments

           
  1. Are you one of those assholes that sells Amway shit?
  2. How does your wife feel about you being in Amway?
  3. How much time do your children spend with babysitters and daycare because you’re too busy with your Amway business to spend any time with them?
  4. How much debt have you gone into because of Amway?
  5. Does your upline ever give you money?
  6. Did some half wit Platinum give you a piece of his mind and you held on to it?
  7. You’ve got to pay to attend seminars so Amway can teach you how to be a commissioned salesperson? Don’t most companies provide free training?
  8. How do your upline Diamonds split the profits from the tool scam money?
  9. What’s  it like having everyone laugh at you when you say you’re in Amway?
  10. You seem awfully consumed by an unnatural desire for materialistic things.
  11. If it's really your own business, then why does your upline control more of your life than my boss does at my J.O.B.?
  12. If I’m the broke loser, how come I own my house outright while you are begging family for money to avoid foreclosure?
  13. If your Amway upline Diamond asked you to drink a glass of Kool-Aid, would you do it without question? Even if his name was Jim Jones?
  14. Does it bother you that the “fake it til you make it” quote sounds like an old bedroom joke?
  15. What proof do you have that 95% of the population is dead or broke by age 65?
  16. How fast did you lose your friends thanks to Amway?
  17. When my childhood friend told me there really wasn't a Santa Claus or Easter Bunny, was he being a dream-stealer or just telling the truth?
  18. Who do you like better? Ken or Barbie?
  19. Amway IBO’s are lowlife scumsucking bastards.
  20. I couldn’t possibly join your Amway scam. I’m not a liar.
  21. It’ll cost me an extra $50 a month to have an Amway web page?
  22. Does it make you feel superior to others when you sneer at them for having a job?
  23. I’m a compassionate human being who cares about others. You’re an Amway ambot.
  24. I was watching the Stepford Wives last night and I thought about you.
  25. Where are the other 2 stooges?
  26. Are you always this stupid or are you just quoting your Amway upline?
  27. Why do people in Amway have such a low opinion of others?
  28. You want to show my a board plan? I’m busy now. Can you come back and bore me some other time? Like twenty years from now.
  29. You’re in Amway? You must have some obscene desire to have people hate you.
  30. Go ahead and tell me everything that’s good about Amway. Oh you’re second is up!
  31. Look up idiot in the dictionary. The definition is people who are involved in Amway.
  32. You never used to be this stupid until you got involved in Amway.
  33. Don’t feel bad. A lot of people get scammed into Amway.
  34. Are all ambots a big an asshole as you or are you just making a big effort today?
  35. You’re living proof that people in Amway are brainwashed.
  36. I used to think you were a pain in the ass but now that you’re involved in Amway my opinion of you has lowered.
  37. I would ask how much money you make in Amway but I know you’re going to lie to me.
  38. You don’t want to talk to me. I’m the dreaded dream stealer!
  39. What do you mean I’m fat and should go on the Amway Trim diet plan? You’re a fucking inconsiderate Amway bastard. At least I can lose weight.
  40. Don’t you ever get tired of being an ambot asshole?
  41. You sound like you’re possessed by a sack of shit Platinum.
  42. I’ve come across Satan worshippers who are less offensive than you Amway ambots.
  43. What makes an ambot tick? I sure hope its a bomb!
  44. Is your family happy that you don’t come home at night because you’re at Amway meetings?
  45. You used to be a nice person. Then you joined Amway.
  46. You say you’ll go far one day thanks to Amway? Why don’t you go far right now and stay there?
  47. Must you leave so soon? I was about to put cyanide in the XS.
  48. You’re in Amway? Is there medication for that?
  49. Thanks for pointing out that I have a J.O.B.
  50. You signed up with Amway? You’re as dumb as you look.
  51. We all sprang from apes but you ambots didn’t spring far enough.
  52. The only skill you’ll ever get from being in Amway is the art of being rude and obnoxious.
  53. Don’t you have a night owl to run off to?
  54. I don’t know what makes you Amway ambots so dumb but whatever it is really works.
  55. If jobs are so bad why do you think people have them?
  56. I thought people who joined Amway did it to avoid spending time with their families.
  57. I’m out of my mind because I won’t join Amway? At least I’ve still got one.
  58. I might have a shitty job but anything’s better than being an ambot.
  59. Why are you pretending to talk into your cell phone?
  60. I’ve had enough of hearing about how awesome Amway is. No pyramid scheme is awesome.
  61. If you ambots find it hard to laugh at yourselves the rest of us will do it for you.
  62. Oh shit. The fuck up ambot is visiting again!
  63. When can I come to an Amway board plan? How about never. Works for me!
  64. Don’t you have an Amway cult leader you need to run off to and worship?
  65. You wanna hear my dreams? It involves duct taping your mouth.
  66. What am I? An ambot magnet?
  67. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am a Satanist. My daddy!
  68. Why are you ambots the biggest bunch of dumb asses around?
  69. You’re starting to make sense. Go back and get more instructions from your Amway cult leader.
  70. If I join Amway I have to be all nicey nice to everyone? Do I look like a fucking people person?
  71. I used to be in Amway. I started out with nothing and I ended up with even less.
  72. The only ambots who aren’t as annoying as you are already dead.
  73. I’m trying to imagine how you’d be if you weren’t a brainwashed ambot.
  74. Amway’s got too many freaks.
  75. If I throw a stick will you leave?
  76. You ambots are not as bad as people say. You are worse!
  77. Are you brain dead?
  78. You’re not as obnoxious as other people. Thanks to Amway you’re obnoxious in a different and worst way.
  79. Calling you ambots stupid would be an insult to stupid people!
  80. Why are you ambots so devoted to spreading brainwashed bullshit?
  81. Don’t you realize there’s enough hate in this world without you ambots giving us more reasons?
  82. Ever since you became an ambot you have more faces than Sybil!
  83. How did you get ambots get here? Who left the cage open?
  84. How can you tell when an Amway IBO is lying? His lips are moving!
  85. I can’t talk to you right now. Tell me where you’ll be in 2 to 5 years.
  86. I heard what you said. I just don’t give a flying fuck.
  87. I’d rather pass a kidney stone than go to an Amway meeting with you.
  88. If I want any more shit out of you should I just go ahead and squeeze your head?
  89. As an Amway ambot your mission in life is to make everyone hate you.
  90. Why do I have to pay admission to listen to a bunch of brainwashed ambots?
  91. You ambots need to learn from your parent’s mistakes. Use birth control!
  92. Obviously you’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a shit about Amway.
  93. What do you mean Perfect Water came from the Fountain of Knowledge?
  94. Talk is cheap but those Amway products sure aren’t.
  95. They just invented a new coffin for Amway IBO’s that just goes over the head. It's for ambots who are dead from the neck up.
  96. What you ambots lack in intelligence you more than make up for in stupidity.
  97. When you die, I'd like to go to your Amway funeral but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
  98. You Amway IBO’s are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a rabbit’s ass.
  99. You ambots are living proof that shit can grow legs and walk.
  100. Everyone hates you Amway IBO’s so much that when you walk into a Taco Bell everyone inside runs for the border.
  101. You Amway IBO’s start at the bottom of the pyramid and then its all downhill from there.

I had more ways to piss off an IBO but once again I forced myself to stop when I hit 101! Ha ha!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Amway Trim Body System Diet Plan

We’ve touched on Amway’s diet plan a few times in the past, mostly to poke fun at the speakers on the stage who are walking advertisements Trim does not work so I thought I’d take a closer look at it.

Ambot’s sponsor Captain Fuck Up claimed to be on Trim and was losing weight so Ambot decided to try it. Or more accurately, buy it not try it. I recently found this Amway Trim Advantage binder way up high in the cupboard behind where I store spare cookie tins. I doubt Ambot ever opened it. It has several sections in there - Meal Plans, Recipes, Exercises. At the back is a CD. Like we need another fucking Amway CD! Its called the Trim Advantage Body System. Never opened. Can we get a refund?

There’s an introduction letter at the front of the binder’s contents and then a commitment to optimal health “contract” that the IBO is supposed to sign. And here I say IBO because its unlikely that a person who was not an IBO would spend the hundreds of dollars needed to get going on the Trim Advantage diet plan. Cheaper to sign up with just about any other diet plan and get personal support. What do you do with the contract after you sign it. Give it to your upline Platinum so he can mock you in board plan meetings if you’re not losing weight?

Right behind the commitment contract is a page titled “Plan Ahead” with the Amway products you need to stock up on. Nutrilite Vitamins:
CLA 500 - $79.95
ProDigest  - I can’t find it on Amway’s web site so I don’t know if the name changed or if the product was discontinued - last known cost $60.44
Chromemate - As above, can’t find it - last known cost $44
Digestive Enzyme Complex - $46.90

Below that a paragraph that says “Keep Your Commitment - Stock Up on Favorites”:
Trim advantage Protein Bars
Chocolate Delight - $24.99
Mixed Berry Smoothie - $20.97

Nutrilite Protein Powder - $30.75

I looked on Amway’s website to find this binder thing that we have in the house and the big thing I discovered was that Amway has changed the name from Trim. The diet plan is now called Nutrilite Weight Management Program. I found their Better Balancer Program kit which I believe may be similar to what Ambot purchased a few years ago. It costs $236.78. I seem to recall Ambot paid over $200 for the system and in addition to this binder full of “important” information it included a box of food bars and meal replacement powdered drink.

Amway also has a kit called the Fat Trimmer Plan - $265.88

So just to get started buying all of the above and I’ll go with the Better Balancer not the Fat Trimmer price. $544.78. Wow!

Now lets go to the meal plan in the binder. The first few pages talk about dieting stuff that you can find for free in the library or on the Internet such as drink water, serve meals on smaller plates, choose low fat products when grocery shopping, etc.

Let’s look at Day 1 meal plan:

Breakfast: Trim Body System Berry Vanilla Shake. I won’t give the whole recipe but the Amway product needed to make it is Nutrilite Protein Powder ($30.75) which may have already been purchased if you followed the above rules and stocked up.

Snack: 1 bag Trim Advantage Crunch Zone Snack Chips. Can’t find it on their web page but if I recall correctly it came in a box and had 2 different flavors and cost around $60 and this was for like 10 bags of chips in each flavor. At this snack time you also get a cup of vegetable juice. Horror of horrors. You need to go to the grocery store for that one because they’re not slinging an Amway product.

Lunch: Apple and cheddar salad. There’s a recipe. No Amway products. Sucks to have to go to the grocery store again!

Snack - Trim Advantage Meal Replacement Bar - $26.39 for a box.

Dinner - Beef Stir Fry - there’s a recipe, no Amway products. 2/3 cup Uncle Ben’s instant whole grain brown rice,  1 cup skim milk.

That’s over $100 of Amway products to have on hand just for Day 1. I won’t bore you with the rest of the week. Does anyone wonder if Uncle Ben is getting a kick back from Uncle Dickie?

Does anyone else see a problem here besides the cost? What about 5 to 10 fruits and vegetables a day? Let’s throw that out the window, though there is about 3 servings in their recipes for lunch and dinner. Oh wait. What the hell do you need to eat fruit and vegetables for? They have a vitamin for that. $40.99.

Obviously this is a ploy by Amway to sell more overpriced products to IBO’s who feel they need to lose weight.

Amway is hardly the only company out there to flog a diet system using their products.

A friend of mine used to work for Jenny Craig. As far as I know Carla was never overweight. I got the scoop from her about working as a Jenny Craig counsellor even though she has no training in weight loss, nutrition, counselling, etc. She was paid a salary or hourly wage I don’t recall which but she also got a commission from all the Jenny Craig food products she sold. And decent commission. Worked out higher than her salary. Just luck of the draw if she happened to be working when a Jenny Craig customer walked in and needed to buy the next week’s meals. I don’t know what the meals cost but seeing as how there is enough mark up for staff to get a decent commission I’d say they’re on the high priced side. Amway does not sell frozen entrees so Jenny Craig gets a leg up on them there. Jenny Craig charges for its services. I’m not sure if its by the pound or by the month or the year but its probably semi expensive, say a couple of hundred dollars to reach your weight goal not including food - but I’m not sure. Just ballparking.

I also remember reading the Special K diet plan directed to their website from a cereal box. A ploy by Kellogg’s to sell their cereal products but probably relatively low priced compared to other diet plans. A box of Special K cereal is about $4 and I think the diet plan had a different flavor each day of the week. Even if someone went out and bought all 6 or 7 flavors of Special K to stock up that would still be under $30 enough to cover  many breakfasts. The other meals were salads or various recipes that the dieter would prepare themselves. Snacks usually were Special K bars. Yes I’ve eaten their bars and like them. They cost about $2 a box and there are 5 or 6 bars in the box. Relatively low priced. I would say a person could stock up on one of every flavor of Special K cereal and cereal bars and the bill would be under $50 and probably last the dieter a month. No fee to use their diet plan. Save money and eat healthier and choose Special K over Amway!

There’s a website called Spark People that helps people losing weight. Menu plans, exercise plans, articles, discussion forums. All free to use. They’re not flogging vitamins, food bars, CD’s, or anything else.

There are lots of diet programs out there ranging from fees to use the program to purchasing the program’s meals and supplements. It looks like Amway’s plan is the most expensive for what you get. It offers no support, no individual counselling (ha ha counsel with upline!), no discussion forums, nothing. Just pay your money, buy the overpriced shit, and hope for the best.

The secret to losing weight is no more complicated than eating less and exercising more. Cutting out products high in fat and substituting healthier options and eating more fresh fruit and vegetables. Drink several glasses of water daily and drinking green tea in the evening is supposed to help with weight loss.

All of this can be accomplished while leaving those shitty Amway products back in their warehouse.

In case anyone is wondering Captain Fuck Up put the weight back on.