Sunday, April 1, 2012

How Many Ambots Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

I hope everyone is having a good April Fool’s Day!

I’ve resurrected a joke I left in comments a couple of months ago just in case some of my readers missed it.

How many ambots does it take to change a lightbulb?

The entire “team”!

A lowly newly recruited IBO who still has enough room on his credit card to buy an overpriced piece of shit Amway lightbulb.

Another lowly newly recruited IBO who will be sent up the ladder first to wash down the area. Free IBO slave labor!

Another lowly newly recruited IBO who has been assigned to provide refreshments - XS piss water and shitty Amway food bars.

5 IBOs who have been assigned to be a committee to figure out what to do with the old lightbulb.

Another 5 IBO’s who have been assigned to pray that the spirit of darkness has not descended upon this home to spread negativity.

The Eagle who asks permission from the Platinum if they are allowed to change the lightbulb.

Someone from crossline who is a specialist in changing lightbulbs but first permission must be granted from the Emerald for him to fraternize with the crossline enemy team.

The crossline’s Platinum who is only showing up to ensure no MLM espionage is going on here.

The ambot’s Platinum who shows up to whine and bitch that he could be spending time with his family and instead he is here to “help” his downline and “bless” the lightbulb once its installed.

The Emerald who shows up to tell all of them he doesn’t believe in change.

The Diamond who sells a motivational book on how to get it done.

One negative dream stealer who claims its a mathematical probability that it can’t be done.

You know all they had to do was find one woman who could do the work of 20 men. Who would then point out the blatantly obvious that the light isn’t even burned out it just needed to be screwed into its socket a little tighter! And then point out the even more blatantly obvious that there were already extra lightbulbs in the cupboard that were stocked up the last time there was a sale at Lowe’s so they didn’t even need to go out and buy those expensive shitty bulbs from Amway!


  1. Good one, Anna. I needed a laugh today. This is priceless!

    You should keep this on the front of this page forever.

    But you forgot that they all had to prove they had listened to enough CASSETTE TAPES to prove they were worthy of being in the presence of their upline while changing said lightbulb. Or at the very least, cough up the money on the spot to buy a slew of CASSETTE TAPES from their upline.

    Which of these very 'lucky' IBOs had the privilege of picking up the emerald and escorting him to his house? Did they stop at a Starbucks so the lowly IBO could open the door for the football player-sized upline and buy him the coffee drink of his dreams?

    How about an IBO to scour the house to remove any and all 'communist' products before the emerald arried? Oh, the humanity!

    Should we throw in a few IBOs to scour the bushes around town to create a crowd of adoring fans to be at the ready when the emerald arrives?

    An IBO to find a professional photographer to catch the emerald as he steps out of the car?

    Crap, why don't we just have an emerald open at this house and get it over with.


    1. Aurora - I'm glad you liked it. Starting the day off with a laugh!

      Yup we could have added a whole flock of IBO's into the mix putting in the IBO's who got stuck driving the cult leaders to the house.

      But how about this one? The Emerald sends a message out on Communikate that the Diamond is giving a training session at this house - cost $10 per IBO. And everyone MUST be there. In half an hour the streets in the neighborhood are clogged with shitmobiles and there are about 100 IBOs standing in the back yard = a quick $1000 for the Diamond.

      But it starts raining. The IBO's have to stand in the yard but the Diamond goes inside the house and opens a window to talk to them. The Emerald stands in the doorway of the house out of the rain and playinb bouncer blocking any IBO's who want to rush the Diamond to show their adoration or otherwise get out of the rain.

      The Ambot's wife walks around to the front of the house, uses her key to unlock the door to go inside. Then she flour bombs the Diamond!

    2. I'm not sure what would be funnier. Seeing the phoney-baloney Diamond get flour bombed, or seeing the looks of abject horror on the faces of his brain-washed flock to see the god they worship get taken down a peg.


    3. And the wife phones the cops and says she caught an intruder in the house and whacked a sack of flour on him and she wants him arrested. Something about unlawful assembly on her private property too!

  2. Dumped amway years ago, and I still marvel at the idea of staying home once I get there after work. Can't believe how many hundreds of times we put on professional attire, grabbed out planners (yes, amway sold very expensive planners and their very expensive yearly refills) and made out way to the 'function.' Didn't matter that we were meeting a guy who looked like shit with an attitude to match, we 'showed the plan.'

    Gads, it was embarrassing. Can't believe we tolerated it for so long. He could be beligerant and condescending, but we sat like good little ambots and took it. After all, we were 'winners.' gag And you never knew who he might know, right?

    In today's world where the young people think the rules don't apply to them, it's gotta be an uphill battle to get this newest troupe of ambots in line. Imagine what it's like just trying to get their attention at a function when they've all got their heads bent texting/tweeting/twittering/etc. the 'fascinating' info from their friends. That would be a laugh.

    Bet they miss us old boomers. We were good little foot soldiers, never taking our eyes off the pin on stage. We weren't allowed to use the bathroom (to which I finally said, "Well, O.K., I guess I can just pee right here.") They let me go.

    Kid you not, with a room full of 15,000 - 20,000 IBOs, people were getting up all the time - you know - bathroom, food, escape, whatever; and they would yell from stage, "Sit down!" The audacity. Some people would actually sit back down.

    I was privvy to some very strange hazing that went on with the big pins and those who they were considering letting into the circle. That's when I put the stops on. What the hell is this? These people are sick. Most IBOS will never know what will be expected of them once they reach a certain level.

    Kiss my ass.

    1. Anonymous - its always a good idea to dump Amway, especially before you lose too much money or it ends up destroying your life.

      I think those expensive planners may have been Franklin Covey ones. We had to go out and buy them the first time we were in WWDB Amway.

      EVERYTHING about Amway is embarrassing!

      Maybe its easier to suck in the youngsters with the big dreams of retiring at age 21. Then 22, then 23, or however long they stick it out with Scamway.

      No one from the stage at any Amway function told me to sit down. I was way up in the stands close to the exit. If anyone had yelled at me to sit down I would have them showed them my favorite finger!

  3. As each new pin would be itroduced, the announcer would say, "I can't believe how disrespectful some of you are getting up and using the bathroom or getting food. This great OZ, er, Diamond (aka blathering yahoo) took time out of his life to impart his wisdom (OK 8 core steps) to you, and you would walk around in the hall?"

    Um, yup. After you've heard every possible take on the 8 Core Steps and every rags-to-riches-I-lived-under-a-bridge-with-my-12-children-and-this-guy-offers-me-this-little-ole-business-and-looky-where-I-am-today story, my eyes would glaze over.

    If it truly is just the 8 Core Steps to financial freedom, money coming in by the bucketful, 6 Saturdays and a Sunday, walking the beaches of the world, a garage full of Bentlys, and, "Gee, we just need someone to play with," why can't we hear it once and call it a day, already?

    How many times do we have to hear the same story over and over? I learned my times tables in the 5th grade. Period. I wasn't still going over them in my Senior year.


    1. aurora - they all say the same story. At every function. Everyone used to be a down and out social outcast and look at them now an Amway Diamond. BORING! That's usually why I walked out because I was bored to death of hearing the same story over and over and over all day long, all weekend long, and at the next Amway function all over again.

    2. I was a young target when it was Quixtar. I was lured by working hard and having dreams to retire before I was 30. Lucky I didn't spend a dime. The "tools" were indoctrination and I didn't like how the upline were sanctified. They were worshipped it seemed. The few meetings I went to were hard right rallies. I had to get out quickly. That and I got sick of the same "wisdom" and hyperbole of riches

    3. Hi Anonymous - everyone has pretty much the same story. Lured into the Amway scam with promises of riches and retiring early while gazillions of dollars in residual income roll in every month. Ambots must worship everything in Amway: the tools, the overpriced shitty products, the cult leaders........


Comments are moderated but we publish just about everything. Even brainwashed ambots who show up here to accuse us of not trying hard enough and that we are lazy, quitters, negative, unchristian dreamstealers. Like we haven’t heard that Amspeak abuse from the assholes in our upline!

If your comment didn’t get published it could be one of these reasons:
1. Is it the weekend? We don’t moderate comments on weekends. Maybe not every day during the week either. Patience.
2. Racist/bigoted comments? Take that shit somewhere else.
3. Naming names? Public figures like politicians and actors and people known in Amway are probably OK – the owners, Diamonds with CDs or who speak at functions, people in Amway’s publicity department who write press releases and blogs. Its humiliating for people to admit their association with Amway so respect their privacy if they’re not out there telling everyone about the love of their life.
4. Gossip that serves no purpose. There are other places to dish about what Diamonds are having affairs or guessing why they’re getting divorced. If you absolutely must share that here – don’t name names. I get too many nosy ambots searching for this. Lets not help them find this shit.
5. Posting something creepy anonymously and we can’t track your location because you’re on a mobile device or using hide my ass or some other proxy. I attracted an obsessed fan and one of my blog administrators attracted a cyberstalker. Lets keep it safe for everyone. Anonymous is OK. Creepy anonymous and hiding – go fuck yourselves!
6. Posting something that serves no purpose other than to cause fighting.
7. Posting bullshit Amway propaganda. We might publish that comment to make fun of you. Otherwise take your agenda somewhere else. Not interested.
8. Notice how this blog is written in English? That's our language so keep your comments in English too. If you leave a comment written in another language then we either have to use Google translate to put it into English so everyone can understand what you wrote or we can hit the Delete button. Guess which one is easier for us to do?
9. We suspect you're a troublemaking Amway asshole.
10. Your comment got caught in the spam filter. Gets checked occasionally. We’ll get to you eventually and approve it as long as it really isn’t spam.